BONDINGS
by Luaneei
Summary: ERIC & TRIS [AU] : Right from the start Tris knew that a night with Eric would change her relationship with Four. But little did she know that it was going to change her whole life. She gets pregnant and has to fight her way through the days with secrets and lies, not having a clue about what the father will think. (NO WAR / NO DIVERGENTS / FOUR YEARS AFTER INITIATION)
1. PROLOGUE

**a/n:** _here I am with another Eric &Tris story for you! this one is going to be a bit different and this prologue is very important for the story. I hope you'll like the idea and you definitely need to tell me what you think about it after I uploaded the first chapter! but for now I'll leave you to this little Eris-thingy. Enjoy!_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | PROLOGUE

. . . .

I watch him putting his clothes back on. His body is very athletic and muscular and covered with a few scars and tattoos. He just turned twenty-five last week but work and the pressure of being the leader of Dauntless make him look five years older. I lean back on the soft sheets, covering my naked body with a blanket as I stare up at the ceiling. _It was just a bit of fun_.

After taking a look at the clock — it's nearly midnight — I get up, slipping in my underwear. My body changed with the years. When I first came to Dauntless, which is four years ago, I rather looked like a child. No curves and little breasts. Fortunately it's different now. I look exactly how a woman is supposed to look like at the age of twenty and I feel comfortable in my body.

Putting on the rest of my clothes, I sit down on the edge of the bed. I have never been unfaithful before, not even thinking about any other man than Tobias. I don't know what it was, what made me think _this_ was a good idea. I sit with my back on Eric. I refuse to look at him but can't hold back a smile, either. Not even in my wildest dreams I would have thought that I would ever end up in bed with him. I enjoyed it and it makes me laugh quietly to myself — I usually laugh when I feel ashamed.

"What's so funny?" he asks as I stand up, standing in front of him. I cross my arms and look down on my shoes.

"This wasn't a good idea." My smile fades away and I look up at him, my eyes meeting his. I didn't expect him to look worried, or even to care about my problem. In fact he looks rather relaxed, maybe even a bit confident because once again he proved that he can get whatever he wants. _Great!_

"Maybe it was." I was about to leave but his dark voice stops me from walking out the bedroom door, my eyebrows furrow in confusion. He walks toward me, placing both of his hands on my hips to pull me even closer. "You know, you could be with me instead of being with that loser you got now."

His touch is rough and his voice demanding. He leans forward, his lips on mine now and I give in to him once again. I feel how I am slowly enjoying his touch, longing for it as I secretly wish to go back into bed with him. But then I press my hand against his chest, backing away slowly.

"I'm ... I just ..." The words in my head won't add up in a sentence, no matter how hard I want them to do so. I look at him and shake my head, swollowing to make sure there won't be any tears coming out. "I'm sorry. I can't."

I turn around, walking out the apartment door and leaving him behind. The truth is that I used to want that before. I wanted him when he was not paying any attention. I even wanted him after he let Christina almost fall down the chasm. But he never looked at me the way I wanted him to do. I thought after all these years with Tobias things would have changed and I was finally free. But today he showed me that it was the exact opposite.

I never was free.

* * *

 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think! :_


	2. 1ST CHAPTER

**a/n:** _first of all, thank you a lot for your nice feedback! a lot of you like the idea, of which I wasn't sure about. your reviews and even the favourites and follows mean a lot to me and it showed me that I definitely have to continue working on this story! thanks! c:_

 _now, to make a few things clear: it can be that Eric might be a bit out of character. like he's 25 in my story, 5 years older than Tris. Four is also a bit older than Tris, but younger than Eric (I'm not sure about his age yet, maybe around 23 or 24). yet I don't want any of them to be too out of character and I'll try my best to keep it that way. Eric is still a ruthless mofo, like in the books/movies for example._

 _as for Will and Christina, it's not like they have an important role in this story but I like them. So Will is still alive, since there is no War anyway. I don't know if I should include Al. I can't decide whether he should be alive or dead. What do you guys think? I'll let you decide._

 _one last information: I also want to focus on other relationships of Tris, like with Christina. The chapters won't be endlessly filled up with Eric/Tris but I promise you that there will be Eric/Tris at least once in every chapter!_

 _Enough of this, you've been waiting far too long and I apologize! Now read and enjoy! c:_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 1ST CHAPTER

. . . .

I lean with my back against the wall as I watch the new initiates — _my_ initiates. Two Erudite-transfers get ready for a fight in the arena, the rest of them are circled around it. I look down on my shoes when I hear Eric giving them a sign to start.

He didn't change through the years. He is still as ruthless and feared as he was during my own initiation. When I look up I see Uri, one of the transfers in the arena, laying on the ground. Blood is dripping down her lips, leaving red trails on the spot her head rested on for a little while. I slowly move toward Eric, standing next to him now as she gets up again.

"She's tough." I say loud enough for him to hear me. He crosses his arms and shakes his head, keeping his eyes on Uri. I still think that it's anything but wise to let them fight until they end up in the hospital. There is no sense in creating this mindless brutality. Yet I don't dare speaking against Eric. Not now. I look up at him, waiting for him to say something.

"Stop!" he shouts, moving half a step forward. "You're waisting my time. If you're not able to —"

"You need to fight back, Uri." Before he even speaks out the last words, I dare to interrupt him. He turns around and looks at me, anything but pleased but I ignore it. I try to spare her from Eric's harsh words because I know what they can do to people like her. "You chose Dauntless and that means that hurting people shouldn't be bothering or scaring you. Concentrate and fight back next time."

She nods and both of the initiates leave the arena. Eric turns around and we're standing face to face. I withstand the cold look of his eyes as long as I can and I notice the corners of his lips moving up a little. I am anything but scared but still I feel goose bumps raising on my skin.

"Next time." he repeats my words, followed by a quiet laughter. "That's interesting."

I cross my arms, still looking at him. I wonder why I am still surprised about how he is able to make me feel different from one second to the other, literally controlling my center of emotions. I feel some kind of dissatisfaction when he's gone. I feel an unpleasant heat when he is near and get goose bumps on my skin when he is even closer. I want him to stay away from me while I'm begging him not to go — I'm trying hard to put some sense into my thoughts.

"Aren't you busy with other stuff? As far as I remember you're not an instructor, which means it is _not_ your job to be here all the time." I walk past him, trying to cover the unpleasant heat that rushes through my body as my arm slightly touches his. The night we've spent together two weeks ago, the way he touched me and talked to me — he doesn't know how difficult it is to work with him now.

I dismiss the initiates for lunch and wait for all of them to be out before I start preparing the room for the next exercises.

"As the leader I better keep my eyes everywhere. I just want to make sure you're doing a good job." he says. For one second I turn around, looking at him before I continue with what I did before, putting a few things from one spot to the other. I catch myself playing busy as long as he is here.

"Really? I thought you'd be here for the transfers. You're supposed to keep your eyes on them instead of me."

"I always had my eyes on you." His words make my body freeze and I don't dare to turn around and look at him. My eyes wander down to my hands and I feel the heat rushing trough my limbs once again. I know that it's not true. If he _always_ had his eyes on me, why am I with Tobias and not with him then — I need to stop this thinking. I feel guilty. Not only for cheating on Tobias, but also for betraying him everytime when I think about Eric.

I turn around with a faint smile on my face, which fades once my eyes meet his. Once again I notice how much of a man he is. He is tall, muscular and very attractive. He had a few women in his bedroom but that's no surprise, nor is it a secret. I wonder what he is thinking about when he looks at me like that.

"You shouldn't be saying such things. It won't work a second time." I lie. If he'd offer me to follow him up into his apartment, making love just like we did the other day — it would be hard to stay strong and reject him. In fact I wouldn't even hesitate if there wasn't my relationship with Tobias.

"I'm not even trying." he shrugs as he starts moving toward the door, my eyes still following him. "Anyhow, you better be careful. Do not dare to interrupt me again. I won't be nice _next time_."

* * *

His words are still ringing in my head when I enter the pit after the training — _I always had my eyes on you_. That's what he said and I'm naive enough to believe him eventually. I lean with my back against the cold wall.

Things could be different. I used to want Eric, and I still do. I always wanted him to look at me the way he did when I was at his apartment. Back then I wasn't with the ruthless leader, who is feared by most of the people. It was someone else. A stranger with a familiar face. And he wanted me, too.

Right from the start I realized, that it wasn't Tobias standing like a wall between Eric and me. It's not like it would be easy to leave him, but I also know that I could quickly get used to living with him as a friend. The massive and high wall between Eric and me is myself — my courtesy, my fear of hurting the ones I love, my guilty conscience. All these things add up into traits I grew to dislike because they had always kept me from the things I wanted.

"Tris, there you are. You're so unreliable these days." I hear a high voice, followed by footsteps coming closer. Judging by the tone and choosing of words, I know it can only be a Candor-born female. Christina looks at me, anything but pleased. "You know, we wanted to meet at the tattoo parlor."

"I'm sorry, Chris. I didn't mean to let you wait." She starts moving toward the hallway and I quickly follow her. It's the second time I forgot about her this week but I'm certainly not doing it on purpose.

"You can count yourself lucky that I like you so much. Otherwise I wouldn't be forgiving you that easy." she smiles at me. "But what's wrong, Tris? Even Will noticed that you've been pretty much absense last week. Did anything happen?"

"No, no. Nothing happened." I shake my head, covering my lie with a smile. Just like me, Christina gets more and more Dauntless with the years, but it doesn't mean that she lost her ability to tell when people are lying. Not yet, but I'm still trying. "There are just a few things keeping my head busy. That's all. Nothing important."

"Maybe it will get better if you talk about it."

"I doubt it." I know she can keep a secret. For a few weeks at least. But still I am not sure if I can tell her about the thing that happened between Eric and me. She won't understand. She'll probably call me crazy, not for cheating on Four, but for spending time with Eric. He is definitely in her bad books.

Christina shrugs. She is not the type for being too curious and she can't imagine how grateful I am for that. Because it is not a problem I can't take care of. It's not like I would need someone to help me, showing me which of the many ways is the most reasonable one. Eric isn't a problem for me. It just bothers me that I can't stop thinking about him.

* * *

I feel Tobias' arm across my body when I wake up. It must be around two or three in the morning, and the sickness I felt a few days ago is coming up again. I take a deep breath, hoping it will disappear once I have enough air in my lungs. It doesn't help much.

I stand up, covering my mouth with a hand, as if I would want to hold back what I feel is already on its way. It would be wiser to stay here but instead of doing that, I quickly slip into my clothes and leave the apartment. A walk and some fresh air is probably what I need right now.

* * *

 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think! it'll keep me going. c:_


	3. 2ND CHAPTER

**a/n:** _I really didn't mean to let you wait for such a long time! but you know, life can be a real bitch sometimes and I just needed some time to think about what happened lately. Anyhow, here is the next chapter, finally! I'm getting exciting myself, even though I already know how this is going to end, haha. Now read and enjoy! c:_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 2ND CHAPTER

. . . .

"Where have you been last night?"

With one last bite I finish my breakfast. Tobias is sitting in front of me, our friends have taken their places on a table on the other side of the dining hall. I have never minded being alone with Tobias every now and then. In fact I often wished for these moments to come — that was before I realized, that my feelings for Eric are anything but defunct.

"I was feeling sick. Sorry if I woke you." I say shortly, my eyes fixed on the line of people waiting for their food.

"Are you okay?" I hear his voice, yet I'm not showing any sign of reaction to his question. Eric is sitting with Max and another man I haven't seen too often. I heard his name once or twice — Aiden Reese, I remember. Resting my chin in the palm of my hand, I watch Eric for a little while before I feel Tobias' hand touching my arm gently. I turn my head in his direction to see the warm smile I got used to see most of our mornings. "Tris?"

"I'm fine." I say, forcing the corners of my lips to move up, a tiny bit at least when I look at him. I stand up, putting my tray away after I left Tobias with just a little kiss on the cheek, and I'm moving toward the hallway, which leads to the training room. When I walk past the table Eric was sitting on, he is already gone. I'm longing for his presence without even noticing it sometimes — I can tell by this strange, somehow slightly disappointed feeling, which can't stop running through my head every time my eyes can't find him.

I spend most of the morning with thinking about him. Eric didn't show up in the training room yet, and I'm beginning to worry that he might have taken my words from yesterday too serious — I want him here. I want his eyes on me during the training. I want his attention, even though I falsely complained about it not long ago.

My bones still feel weak and tired, trying hard to carry my weight from one spot to the other and once again I wish to be somewhere else. _You are okay! You are okay!_ I keep on telling myself the same lie over and over again. I start walking toward the punching bags, taking a deep breath.

I hear footsteps coming from the door and I recognize them as more than one person. I turn around to see Tobias entering the training room, followed by Eric. I can see that both of them try hard to keep enough of distance, letting the space between their bodies grow with every step they take. While Eric is heading toward the board with the names of each transferred initiate on it, Tobias approaches me at the punching bags. I catch myself wishing it was the other way around.

"Not bad." he says, surveying the initiates as he takes a look around. "Well, a few of them."

"They are actually pretty good for, what? Day five?" I smile proudly because I remember my own initiation class — most of them weren't even half as good as my initiates now. But Dauntless expectations change with the years, so I'm not even allowed to compare classes, which are more or less four years apart.

"They must have a very good instructor then." he smiles and leans down to kiss me but before our lips touch, I back away quickly, seeing Eric coming closer as I look over Tobias' shoulder.

"The initiates aren't as bad as I expected. At least they are better than what I have seen four years ago in your class, Tris." he nods, eyes immediately fixed on Tobias. "Well, might have been because of the instructor back then."

In the corner of my eye I see Tobias rolling his eyes at Eric, crossing his arms without looking at him. It doesn't take an expert in knowing people to see how much hate they feel for the other. I remember Tobias telling me about his own initiation, how he knocked Eric one of his teeth out, breaking his nose after being called by his real name, Tobias Eaton. It is still his last name, which causes the chaos and anger inside of him.

"Oh, Four." Eric's voice is threatening as he is coming a bit closer. Tobias is standing with his back on him, still not turning around to see him. "You could at least look at me, don't you think?"

"Spare me." Tobias snorts quietly as he starts heading to the door, leaving the room without another glance. Neither to Eric, nor to me.

No words are able to escape my lips when I'm standing next to him. Even though I have so much to say to him. Today he looks stressed, more than usual. The dark shadows under his eyes tell me that he didn't get much of sleep last night. My brain automatically starts working, trying to find out what it could be. What is keeping this man's mind busy all the time?

"This wasn't necessary. At all." I finally speak up, my voice raised and kind of annoyed. "He's been through a lot of trouble lately."

"Why would I care?" Eric answers shortly while he starts walking. With quiet steps I follow him as he heads toward the door again. I didn't expect him to care. Not even a little bit. Tobias always tells me that he himself decided to not work as an instructor anymore. He gave it up for me, so I can easily take his place. But I know that it was different. I know that he didn't give it up just like that. The leaders expected more and more with the years. New techniques, new ways of training and preparing the initiates for what is coming — Dauntless needs people who can keep up with whatever brings them forward.

"I'm just saying." I shrug as I start to walk faster. "Where are you going?"

Being halfway out the door, he stops and turns around, looking at me as if he's surprised about my question, repeating it in his mind just to make sure he understood correctly. If I'd be him, I would do the exact same thing. Why did I ask him where he was going in such a tone, making it sound like I would want him to stay, not for the initiates but for me. I cross my arms as I feel the heat coming up to my face, giving my cheeks a slight shade of red. I try to cover it with a smile, hoping to not make it worse.

"I mean, well ..." I begin to stutter. "You know, I could need some help today. Might be better if you stay then. For a few more minutes."

"I see." Judging from the sound of his voice, he doesn't believe me and my faked need of help. But in the end he doesn't seem to care enough to waste any more time on thinking about it being true or not. "I'll be back in a second."

* * *

With my arms crossed I take a seat on the last free table in the dining hall. The room is noisy and filled with people, but it doesn't bother me. It is always like this after work is done. The sickness I felt during the training is finally gone — it probably won't take long until the next one comes up. On the other side of the room I see Tobias having a chat with an old friend of his. He told me the name once but I figured I'm not as good in remembering things as I thought I would be. Not at the moment.

"Hey, Tris." I hear a high female voice, coming from behind me. I turn around to see Christina, who is taking the seat next to me. When I look at her big eyes and bright smile, I wonder if people like her ever feel like I do now — sick, exhausted, tired for no reason. And if she does, how is she able to still keep that grin on her face? Her heartwarming laugh is echoing in my ears. "You're not with Four tonight?"

"Does it look like it?" The sound of my voice seems harsher than I wanted it to be, judging by the look Christina is giving me. I realize that these words are obviously the wrong ones to begin a conversation with. I just ignore it, keeping on talking before she can say something. "He's with friends tonight. I don't really feel like joing them."

"Man, you've been acting strange lately. You're so absent and quiet. What are you thinking about all the time?"

I could tell her what exactly I've been thinking about all the time. I could tell her that my head is constantly filled with what Eric said to me, and what he didn't say to me. I could tell her about the night we've spend together, that I hopelessly fell in love with him and that I secretly wished he would be the one falling asleep next to me instead of Tobias.

"It's nothing." I shake my head, deciding to keep all my thoughts to myself, just like I usually do. "I've been feeling sick and tired lately. I'm probably going to catch a cold."

"Catch a cold?" she repeats my words as if she would want me to think about what I've just said. It does sound strange, after all — catching a cold in the Dauntless headquarters while the sun is heating up the pavement outside. I start to see through my own lies and wonder why I keep on telling them to myself. "How about we go and see Will? He'll find out what your body is up to. I'm pretty sure this is _not_ a cold you caught."

"If you say so." I nod as we stand up, heading toward the hallway. Will is working in the medical area of Dauntless and apparently he's doing a good job, judging by the fact that he's been there for three years now, and also the fact that he's been raised by Erudite. I rarely get sick or injured, since I'm not fighting as much as I did when I was younger, so I don't see him often during work.

Before we reach the hallway, I see Tobias approaching us in the corner of my eye. I feel his gentle grip on my skin, letting go of my arm as soon as I turn around, until we're standing face to face. He wears his usual smile, combined with unusual wide eyes. He looks rested and I quickly notice that he's been drinking.

"I was wondering if you'd like to join us, Tris." he says. It is exactly what I expected when I saw him coming.

"Maybe another time. Sorry."

"Are you still feeling sick?" It sounds more like he's complaining instead of caring, but I know him long enough to understand the way he actually means it. "Maybe you should pay Will a visit, you know. It doesn't seem to get better."

"We're on our way, don't worry." Christina says as she grabs my arm, slowly pulling me away from Tobias. She didn't give me much time to say goodbye, so I just smile at him before we disappear in the darkness of the hallway.

It's not a long way to the medical area. Just a few steps, a few more corners until we finally get there. We enter the room and walk past the nurse's station. There doesn't seem to be much going on tonight. Will is sitting at a table, holding a pen in his right hand while checking something that looks like a list of different kind of things. Probably hospital related things.

"Hey, doctor." Christina says with a grin. Before he can say something, she presses her lips on his as he turns around to see her. I begin to wonder if it is even possible for one of them to live without the other. They had always been like this. Happy and careless — they still are.

"What takes you two here? Did anything happen?" he asks, rather talking to his girlfriend with his eyes fixed on hers.

"No, nothing happened." Christina shakes her head before she looks at me. "Tris needs a checkup."

"Right." I speak up quickly, raising my voice a little to stop her from talking, earning a questioning glance from Christina. I'm certainly old enough to explain my medical condition myself. With a quick movement, Will takes a chair from behind him and pulls it right next to him, so I can take a seat. "I've been feeling pretty bad lately. Sick, tired, exhausted, headaches every now and then, and I have no idea where it could be coming from."

"I see. Since when are you feeling like that?"

"Two weeks. More or less." I hear my voice getting more quiet with every word I say. His questions make me actually think about it and the more details I give away, the more I get nervous about what it could be.

"Have you been sexually active during the last few days?" he asks calmly and I feel heat rushing through my blood, making it seem like my whole body is slowly adopting the colour of a light red. It simply is because of Will being a close friend of mine, and hearing such a question from him seems awkwardly odd. But he is just professionally doing his job.

I can't stop myself from thinking back, letting my mind wander off to that one night with Eric. His touch on my skin, the tone of his voice, the look on his face — it all comes back to me, making me want to repeat this night so badly. I'm not exactly sure what is holding me back, but I know that it's not Tobias.

"I know that's not really a thing you like to share with me." The dark tone of his voice rips me out of my thoughts and I suddenly feel ashamed for acting like a shy teenager. I'm not like that anymore, not even when it comes to a subject like this.

"What? No. Sorry, I was just ..." I begin to slightly stutter for no reason. "I mean, yes. Yes, I was."

He nods as he continues to look at me, checking my body on any symptoms of possible illnesses. After a little while he leans back in his chair.

"Well, your temperature is alright. The tonsils looked fine, too. No signs of a certain illness." He pauses. "You know, maybe it's better to see another doctor in the city hospital."

"Why?" My voice interrupts him immediately and I'm getting nervous again. "What's wrong?"

"Look, I can actually assume what it is, but first, doctors shouldn't be guessing, and second, I really don't want to scare you or anything like that. Here at Dauntless doctors are mainly specializing in injuries from fighting. So promise me that you will see a doctor in the city hospital, okay? As soon as possible."

I nod as I take a deep breath, feeling the beating of my heart in each of my limps.

"I assume that you are pregnant."

* * *

 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think! it'll keep me going. c:_


	4. 3RD CHAPTER

**a/n:** _so, I've read through the second chapter again and I apologize for so many spelling mistakes, ugh. this chapter might be a little shorter, but it has less spelling mistakes AND it includes more Eris for you, guys! enjoy them! c;_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 3RD CHAPTER

. . . .

Like a tiger I'm moving up and down the room of my apartment. Tobias is still with his friends and will probably be home late tonight — once again, but this time it is fine with me. I don't need no company right now. I don't want it, that's why I told Christina to leave me alone after we returned from the medical area.

This can't be true. I can't be pregnant. Do I even have the time for a child? Tobias will certainly ask what Will said, since he knew that I was going there, and he knew all about how I was feeling lately. It all makes sense now, the sickness, the tiredness. I even start to notice a lot more, now that I know what it could be: I suddenly found a good taste in things I usually wouldn't eat, so I eat more than I usually do, I'm getting easily upset by little things, my mood tends to change very quick — I shouldn't be thinking too much.

I feel tears running down my face when I suddenly hear keys opening the door. I quickly wipe them away, making sure Tobias won't take any notice.

"Hey." he says while entering the room. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." I take a seat on the right side of the bed, looking down on my hands. Once again I'm lying. "Why are you home already?"

"Christina told me that you are here. What did Will say? Is it anything serious?"

He sits down next to me, close enough for me to feel his chest heaving against my skin every time he breathes in. I need more time to think about what I'm going to tell him and I hesitate.

"Well, he said that he can't tell because he's only specializing in injuries from fighting. He told me to see another doctor in the city hospital." I say calmly.

"Alright." he nods. "I guess you need to talk to Eric then and ask him for a day off. I'll make sure to get a day off too, so I can —"

"No! It's okay, really." I interrupt him immediately. "I'd prefer to go there alone."

I can literally see how he is struggling with himself, being caught between disagreeing and respecting my decision. I can't take that look on his face any longer. I stand up quickly and grab my jacket before I'm heading toward the door as his dark voice stops me from walking and I turn around to see him.

"Where are you going? It's close to midnight."

"I just need some fresh air. It won't take long." I say and I'm finally able to leave the apartment — finally able to get away from Tobias. I am no longer wishing for his presence, not now and not even later. In fact I haven't been wishing for anyone's presence lately but one. I'm leaning with my back against the door when my eyes wander over the stairs, which lead up to more and more apartments. Including Eric's apartment.

Four chose to not go any higher than the third floor, while Eric got one of the bigger apartments on the fifth floor for being one of the leaders. I've noticed that he usually takes the stairs, while the rest of the leadership prefers the elevator. With quiet steps I move upstairs, feeling relieved with each step I take but nervous at the same time. Then I suddenly find myself in front of Eric's apartment door and I'm starting to hesitate.

I knock on the door twice, being quite certain about him still being awake at such a time. I hear steps coming closer from inside and I can literally feel my heart jumping out of my chest.

"It better be important." he says after opening the door. He doesn't look surprised, not even close to it and it makes me wonder if he expected me, or maybe someone else.

"I need to talk to you. About tomorrow." I say quietly, nearly whispering. I see him rolling his eyes as he turns around again, allowing me to enter his apartment. The last time I was here, I remember clothes lying on the floor, making this place look rather messy. I follow him until he takes a seat on the couch, leaning back as he looks at me. It reminds me of that one night when he sat there in the exact same position. I wrapped my arms around him while sitting on his lap and then he kissed me.

"So, what about tomorrow?" I didn't notice how my mind wandered off and his voice rips me out of my thoughts. I'm trying hard to not think about it, pulling myself together before he starts to take notice of my daydreaming. I move half a step closer but stop as I stand in front of him.

"I need a day off tomorrow and I was wondering if maybe you could take care of the initiates then."

"A day off? Why?" His voice is sharp like a razor, making me feel ridiculous for asking for such a request. That man can make me feel different from one second to the other.

"Well, I went to see a doctor here because I was feeling sick lately." I begin carefully. "And he told me to see another doctor at the city hospital."

He hesitates, leaning forward with his elbows placed on his thighs. I would love to know what he is thinking about, what is making him hesitating. Does he care about me and my well-being? Or is he just going through tomorrow's plans to see if he is free and able to spend the whole day in the arena?

"Okay, fine. I'll do it." he says. I nod, even though he is not even looking at me. Instead of leaving his apartment, I decide to sit down next to him. There is just a small gap between our bodies as he leans back, of which I secretly wish to disappear. I begin to focus on my breathing, because otherwise I'm afraid I might forget about it — I'm easily getting nervous as soon as I am alone with him.

"It's nothing serious ... I guess." Without thinking about it, I let these words escape my lips as if nothing had ever happened. It definitely is serious — I'll be having a child, I'll be a mother in less than a year. The more I think about it, the more I want to vanish, getting away from this place, away from Dauntless. Away from this world.

"Well, then there is nothing to worry about." he says, not even looking into my direction at first. He hesitates before he speaks up again. "Come see me when you're back, alright?"

"Sure." I nod. His words cause the corners of my lips to move up, more than I actually wanted them to do. His eyes meet mine and I am able to forget for a little second — the pregnancy, my future and Tobias. All the things that add up into a massive problem of mine, easily wiped away by the look of the person I love the most. I lean back as I let out a sigh.

"There's something else, isn't it? What's bothering you?" he asks, trying his best to hold back a yawn. I'm surprised that he noticed and I begin to wonder if I'm really that transparent. His question takes me back to the thoughts I wish I could escape from somehow. He is correct. My vision gets blurred as my eyes fill up with tears. I swallow, trying to hold them back but it's not working. I turn my head away to not let him see them running down my cheeks.

"No, it's nothing." My voice gets quieter with every word, leaving me not a single chance to hide anything from him. Without hesitation I stand up, moving straightly to the door to get out as fast as I can. I hear Eric's footsteps behind me, letting me know that he's following me.

"Wait, Tris!" With an iron grip on my arm, he stops me from walking. "You don't expect me to believe you, do you?"

I wipe away the tears before I turn around to see him, frowning at him. "I just said it's _nothing_. Let me go."

"You don't start crying when it's nothing."

"Stop pretending that you care!"

"I'm not pretending!" He begins to raise his voice, just the way I did before. I feel the grip of his hand loosening. "Why would I do that?"

No matter how much I want to answer his question, I can't — because he is right and I'm well aware of it. I'm slowly moving into his direction, leaning against his chest, wrapping my arms around his body. I'm feeling small, weak and fragile. We stay like this for a while and it feels good, being held by him and his strong arms. I take a deep breath and let go of him, looking up into his eyes once I know that there won't be any more tears coming.

Before he backs away I lean forward, pressing my lips against his. This is what I wanted from the moment I entered his apartment. I take off my jacket, carelessly throwing it down to the ground as soon as I feel the heat streaming through my bloodstream. I want him only and I want him now. He leaves a few kisses down my neck and it causes me to let out a sigh. It gets more passionate with every second we waste together and my hands quickly slide down his chest, over his trained stomach to his belt.

A quick movement and I hear it clicking.

"I always wanted you." I murmur quietly against his skin as he lifts me up, swiftly carrying me to the bedroom.

With Eric I can be careless, even though I know I shouldn't be. For one or two nights at least. Why am I still sticking around with a person I don't even love anymore, of which I know, he can't give me what I need the most — because Tobias is the father of my child.

* * *

 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think! it'll keep me going. c:_


	5. 4TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _your reactions to the last chapter surprised me, guys! I hope I'm able to surprise you, too! :D thank you so much for your support. now read and enjoy!_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 4TH CHAPTER

. . . .

The city hospital is much bigger than the medical area at Dauntless. The walls, the floor and even the bed sheets — everything is kept in clean and flawless shades of white and grey. The doctors are mostly Erudite, all dressed up in blue. Whenever I come to the city, I am surprised and fascinated at the same time about how structured our society actually is. Everyone is able to find their place, everyone knows where they belong. There isn't much space for individuality, but nobody's complaining. Simply because nobody dares to speak up.

I'm sitting in the consulting room after the medical treatment. It is small and seems cold, there is no bed in it, but a desk with two uncomfortable chairs in front of it. With every second passing by, I get more and more nervous. What if Will was right and I really am pregnant? Or could it be that he made a mistake?

I wince when I hear the door opening. I expected the nurse, who took care of me before, but instead a man covered in blue, holding a few papers in his hands, enters the room. He must be around the age of fifty or fifty-five, judging by the grey color of his hair.

"Miss Prior." he says with a smile. "I'm Dr. Coulter. It's nice to meet you."

 _Coulter_ — this name sounds familiar. I smile back at him as he sits down, leaning back in his chair and reading through the papers. I remember Tobias telling me about Eric being born Erudite, so the person in front of me must be someone of his family, maybe even his father or uncle. He just entered the room, greeting me with just a few words, but I'm already able to see how much different they seem to be.

"I'll make it short." he begins, the smile on his face already vanished seconds ago. "The doctor you saw at your place was correct. You are already two weeks pregnant."

I look down on my hands. I want to say something, anything, but no words are able to escape my lips. The nervousness is gone, but for some reasons I don't feel any other emotions coming. No sadness, no happiness, not even tears — nothing at all. I lean back and take a deep breath. It feels anything but real. In fact, it rather feels like a dream, in which I keep telling myself to finally wake up. I don't want to be in this dream anymore.

"Wait, two weeks?" I look back up to Dr. Coulter to see him nodding. I feel my heart beating faster, my hands getting sweaty just like usual. The last time I have slept with Tobias is over a month ago, nearly two, which means that there is no chance for him to be the father of my child.

"I'll tell you a few things you need to keep in mind: no smoking and no alcohol for the next nine months. I want you to come here and see me once a month, just for a regular checkup. No fighting. Getting kicked or punched in the wrong places will cause a lot of damage. Training is allowed, as long as it's not too exhausting. That's all for now. I'll see you in four weeks then."

I nod, feeling ridiculously small and young, probably due to the fatherly tone in his voice.

After the talk with Dr. Coulter I leave the building, literally fleeing from the white and clean walls, of which I felt were coming closer and closer the more seconds I've spent in that room. I've let the tears carelessly running down my face during the train ride, but made sure to not let anyone take notice of it once I got back to the Dauntless headquarters.

I'm two weeks pregnant, Tobias isn't the father — the more I think about it, the more I realize what it actually means, realizing that I was running away from something I knew right from the start. Eric is the father, it never was Tobias and it was more than obvious.

I quickly enter the building, pointedly avoiding a few hallways in which I could run into Tobias or Christina. It takes a while until I finally get to my apartment. Eric is the only person I want to see, but there is something stopping me from it — I have no idea what to tell him. I want to be honest, I have never lied at him and I'll keep it that way. But at the same time I'm scared of his reaction. Just like me he is rather young and probably didn't waste any thoughts on having a child yet. In that case, I'll have to admit that age matters indeed. It's not like usual.

I take a seat on the right side of the bed, feeling sick once again. I close my eyes, trying my best to not think about anything this time, but it's not working. What if he is going to reject me — _us_? And what if he won't? He doesn't have any time for a child. Do I have the time for it? Will anybody help me once it is there? Will Eric be there for me?

A knock on the door makes the million voices in my head disappear. I feel some kind of relief, because I know that it can't be Tobias, since he owns a key for his apartment. I stand up to open the door.

"There you are, Tris!" I'm anything but surprised to see Christina standing in front of me. Without hesitation she enters the room, just like she usually does when she pays me a visit. "I saw you entering the building, but I had a talk with Max. Damn, some days he is worse than Eric — always something to complain about."

"What did he complain about?" I ask, even though I don't really care.

"Nothing important, really." she says. "But what did the doctor say? You were there, right?"

I hesitate. I can't pretend to not be pregnant, that is for sure. But is it a good idea to tell her about Eric being the father? I take a deep breath before I speak.

"Will was right." I begin quietly and carefully. "I am pregnant."

In the corner of my eye I can see her nodding. I know it's what she expected, she knew Will was correct. "What do you think will Four say? I mean, he's —"

"Tobias is not the father." I interrupt her with my voice raised, because otherwise she would have just kept on talking. I'm starring down onto the ground, fixing my eyes on a little spot the sun is shining on through the window. I can just imagine the look on her face, her questioning look with her eyes wide open, because she expected me to be the very last person to cheat on anybody. It takes her some time to actually respond and I turn my head to look at her.

"Who is it then?"

"It's Eric, who else?" I snap back, rolling my eyes at her, easily forgetting about the fact that it's not as obvious to her as it is to me. "I'm two weeks pregnant and the last time I've slept with Tobias is almost two months ago."

"What, you and Eric —" she hesitates. "We're both talking about the same person?"

"Yes, we do." I say, slightly annoyed. "It's impossible to hide the pregnancy, so both of them will know about it. But what will I tell them?"

"Shit, I'm sorry, Tris." Christina says as she stands up, taking a look at the clock at the wall. "I need to go back to work, I'm already fifteen minutes late. I promise, we'll talk later. Let's say we meet down in the pit after work, alright?"

She says good bye with a small hug before she rushes out the door, and I am all alone again. It feels different this time. I need company, I need someone to talk to — but still anyone but Tobias. I notice how the feeling about him didn't change at all.

I stand up and put on my jacket. I remember Eric asking me to see him once I'm back and that is what I'm going to do. I close the door behind me and walk down the stairs, making my way through the hallways until I reach the training room. The door is open and I can already hear his voice, shouting something about staying focused no matter how stressed you are. It's the first thing I've learned when I came to Dauntless.

I enter the room, seeing two of the initiates in the arena while the rest of them is gathered around it. Of course he would let them fight. To my surprise they stop as soon as they notice me, but I keep my eyes on Eric, who is standing with his back to me.

"Everyone take a break and get out!" I shout, earning some puzzled expressions as response, including Eric as he turns around. He doesn't look amused or even happy to see me, instead he looks incensed, angry about me interrupting his training — going too far once again. He nods at the initiates, giving them a sign to leave the arena. We're standing face to face, both of us waiting until we are all alone.

"You know I don't like it when you do stuff like that." His voice is calmer than I expected, and it causes me to smile at him.

"And you know that I told you to not let them fight today."

I remember this morning when I woke up next to him. Again I think about the look on his face, the things he said to me before I went off to the hospital, and the things I said to him, and how he laughed when I asked him for this little favor he obviously planned to ignore from the moment I've said it.

"So, what did the doctor say?" he asks. I'm surprised how different his voice is now compared to how it was just a few hours ago. It is rather harsh, not as caring and quiet as it was this morning.

"Let's talk about it later." I say, moving closer as I go on my tiptoes to kiss him, but I back away immediately when I hear footstep coming from the hallway. I turn around to see Tobias walking through the door, approaching me with the same smile he usually wears.

"Hey, Tris. I thought you'd wait for me up in the apartment." He leans down, pressing a kiss on my lips before he lets his hand gently slide down my arm, starting from the shoulder. I begin to feel uncomfortable, not only because of that kiss right in front of Eric, but also because I notice Tobias acting strange. He's been keeping his eyes on me lately, following me and making sure where I am and when I'll be home — I'm wondering if he's suspecting something, anything what has to do with either the pregnancy or Eric.

"I didn't know you wanted to meet me there." I say, shaking my head. I look back at Eric, who is standing there with his arms crossed, and then back at Tobias.

"You know I'm wondering, too." Eric begins as he takes a step toward Tobias, causing me to make space and move to the side. "Shouldn't _you_ be at work?"

"Come on, Eric. You might be a part of the leadership, but that doesn't make you my superior."

I suddenly feel Tobias' fingers around my wrist, gently pulling me with him as he starts walking. While he mumbles something rather to himself, what makes it hard for me to understand, I look back at Eric. One last glance is what I wanted, but he turns around instead and I quietly follow Tobias through the hallway.

* * *

— _leave a nice review & tell me what you think. It'll keep me going. c:_


	6. 5TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _i'm sorry for letting you wait that long, ugh. i had like a massive block and i just couldn't find any inspiration. i will try my best to upload the next chapter asap! i'm already working on it and things are heating up, so be prepared for chapter six!_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 5TH CHAPTER

. . . .

I'm slowly pacing through the hallways, being on my way to meet Eric at the office. The thoughts about him being the father of my child didn't grant me one single minute of sleep last night. My head hurts from all of this thinking.

Yesterday, after leaving the training room with Tobias, I didn't mention anything about me being pregnant. However Tobias is sly, easily seeing through me when I told him that it is just a harmless cold I caught. The look on his face told me that he knows that it is something more serious, but he didn't bother me with any more questions about it for the time being. He probably thought that the train ride must have been stressful enough in my current condition.

I reach the Pit, which is uncommonly colorful — Visitor's Day. I see some of the initiates hugging their mothers, laughing with their brothers and sisters. But I also see the other side of being left alone, ignored, treated as a traitor and therefor punished with loneliness. In my mind I'm wandering home, having dinner with my family for the last time, all dressed up in that simple grey I used to wear.

With my elbows I push my way through the crowded place until I reach the stairs, which lead up to the office. I feel my heart pounding faster and faster the closer I get. I remember yesterday being more than sure about what I'm going to tell Eric. I wanted to be honest, telling him about the pregnancy and just hoping that he will understand. Now that I'm so close to it, I doubt that this is a good idea. I stop in front of the door.

Why would he accept a child? He is one of the Dauntless leaders, after all. He certainly has other responsibilities to take care of, aiming for so much more than simply settling down to family life. He fought so hard for the position he's got now, and I know that he's still not done with climbing up to the top of his career. A child would just hinder him.

Before I get the chance to turn around and leave, the door opens. I take half a step back, wincing at the sudden movement I didn't see coming. I look up, feeling some kind of a relief when I see that it's not Eric standing in the door frame. With a pen in one hand , Max is standing in front of me.

"Tris." he says, raising his eyebrows at me. "What can I do for you?"

"Nothing. I was just looking for Eric." I admit, because otherwise it would have been too awkward, standing in front of the office door for no reason at all. And I'm not really good at improvising.

"Well, he's not here."

I nod as I turn around while Max grabs the handle to close the door behind him. During the four years I have been here in Dauntless, the exchange of words between Max and me didn't grow much. I barely see him or even the other leaders. I know their names, I know how they look like and that's already it. The only one of the leadership I see regularly is Eric.

"When you find him" I hear Max' dark voice as I was about to leave, turning around to only see that one half of his body, which isn't covered by the door. "tell him to see me at the office."

This wasn't meant to be a friendly request. It rather sounded like an order, his eyes reminding me that — to say it in Eric's words — _orders are no options_. I watch the door closing before I walk down the stairs again, elbowing my way through families and friends once again to reach that one hallway, which leads to the training room. I know that Eric dislikes Visitor's Day. On that day the training room is obviously empty and the initiates would rather avoid that place. Putting one and one together, it is the perfect hiding spot for a person who can't stand happily reunited families with their crying mothers.

There he is. With crossed arms I stay standing in the door frame for a while, watching his fists hardly hitting the punching back over and over again. It is almost like his perfect body and muscular arms demand my attention and I find myself not getting my eyes off of him. The punching back moves due to the impact of his punches, until he puts both of his hands on each side to stop it. Heavily breathing, he presses his forehead against it while his hands remain on the same spot. His eyes are closed as he takes one deep breath. It is easy to see that there is something bothering him, something important enough to distract him from training.

He straightens up as I approach him, his knuckles hitting the hard material once again.

"So here is where you're hiding." I say, not even trying hard to hold back that smile on my lips.

"I'm not hiding." he responds shortly, not showing much of an interest in talking to me, or in me as a person in general. That is what he does sometimes and to my own surprise I have no explanation for it. One day he talks to me, the other he prefers to ignore me or show me how annoyed he is, so I will finally start walking. All I know is that it is nothing serious, nothing personal. If that would be the case, he would have done other things.

I'm still naive enough to believe him when he tells me that he definitely does care about me.

"Max wants you to see him at the office." His fist aims for the punching back one last time, strong and powerful, before he takes a step back. He is still not looking at me, he's still not paying any attention, not even for a second. Instead he is just turning around, grabbing the towel he brought with him and walks past me. After walking a meter or two, he raises his hand and I understand it as some kind of a sign to follow him.

I roll my eyes, letting a quiet and slightly annoyed sound escaping my lips, not loud enough for him to hear. I don't like it when he treats me like that, when he somehow feels the need to show me who is the boss and who I should follow, not even asking whether I want to come with him or not. But I have no other choice left than simply ignoring it, because in fact he is my superior. I tend to forget about that every now and then. So I do as he says.

"I know." he finally speaks up. "But I don't want to see him."

"Why not?"

"I simply don't want to waste my time with his bullshit today."

"I guess you can't run from it."

"You have no idea." As we walk through the door, leaving the training room behind us, he turns left, making sure to choose another path to avoid the crowded Pit. I keep on walking next to him as we both seem to enjoy the silence for a few seconds.

"What about your parents?" I begin carefully. "Did they visit you during initiation?"

"No and I'm glad they didn't." I look up at him to see his lips forming a slight smile. I know exactly what he is trying to do. I know that he wants to hide any kind of humanity, not showing any wounds left by the people he once loved. But I'm able to see through him. He is fragile, just like me and everyone else.

Since my own initiation my mother visited me every year. Last year was the first time my father dared to enter the headquarters of Dauntless as well, but he seemed to feel slightly uncomfortable around all these _tattooed rebels_. I wouldn't be surprised if my family decides to stay at Abnegation this year — Mum usually talks about how busy they are with helping the Factionless. If she would only know in what kind of trouble I'm currently in.

"Your father ..." I pause to put some order into my words. "I think I've seen him in the hospital."

"What did the doctor say?" Eric is literally the master of leading conversations. I noticed, if things are getting too unpleasant for him, he simply changes the subject and people will just go along with it. I figured it must be that demanding tone he's got in his voice, combined with the typical furrowed eyebrows, which make his glance even colder. After four years I'm already used to the different masks he likes to wear.

I take a look around the empty hallway.

 _He will reject you and the child. He doesn't need any of this. You would just hinder him. He has priorities and you are certainly not one of them_. The voices in my mind keep on getting louder and louder. I can't do anything but believe in every single word I hear. My skin burns and I feel like crying and screaming at the same time. I don't want to be here right now, but yet I want to stay close to Eric. I want the truth, but I don't want it to be heard. It's like I'm in the middle of right and wrong, but I can't clearly decide which side to chose, because I'm wandering in the dark.

"Tris?" I suddenly hear Eric's voice. "What did he say?"

Eric is standing right in front of me, close enough to make my legs go weak. I must have passed out for a few seconds, because I didn't notice how we stopped walking. Having his body so close to me makes me nervous once again. I want to tell him everything, but there are no words able to escape my lips.

"Well, he said ..." I hesitate, still trying to find the right words. "It's actually not that bad. I'll be fine."

I definitely feel the urge to tell him everything, but there still is something holding me back. It is neither the right time, nor the right place to start a conversation about pregnancy and life-changing things. I'm afraid it will have to wait. I'm well aware of the fact that I'm running out of time and that I have no other choice left anyway — Eric and even Tobias need to know about this sooner or later.

"You know, Tris ..." Silence is filling the room once again as he is probably thinking about what exactly he wants to say. The way he said my name is still echoing in my ears, and I catch myself unconsciously repeating it in my head simply because I liked the sound of his voice. "I don't want you to hide anything from me. If there really is something serious, I want to be one of the first people to be informed about it. Not because I'm your superior ... but because I do care about you and you know that."

I have seen this side of him before. I know him as a leader, and I know him as a lover — but still he will never fail to surprise me. I look up to him, wide-eyed. Right now all I want to do is wrapping my arms around him, kissing him after I told him everything, not leaving one single detail unexplained. But I can't. Not yet.

With wet eyes I go on my tiptoes, pressing my lips against his cheek before I go.

"I'll be fine."

* * *

— _leave a nice review & tell me what you think. It'll keep me going. c:_


	7. 6TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _honestly i was busy re-reading the divergent series. and it gave me some inspiration. oh, and thank you guys for your awesome feedback! i really do appreciate it and i want you to know, that no matter how long it takes to write a chapter, i will definitely finish this fic! thank you for your great support! c:_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 6TH CHAPTER

. . . .

The day went by fast — almost too fast.

The instructors are the only ones to get a day off at Visitor's Day, which means that Tobias must have loafed around in the controlling room. On my way back to the apartment I figured that Eric eventually met up with Max, and me — I kept on struggling with my problems, the headache, the pregnancy, my relationship, simply everything that is keeping my mind busy.

For the rest of the afternoon my body remained on the couch. I couldn't do anything but give in to my weariness. I know I should have been present at least for an hour down in the Pit, presenting myself as their children's instructor. But I was too exhausted.

I hear the door opening as I push myself in a sitting position. My eyes are burning, probably caused by the couple of tears I've shed once again.

"Hey." Tobias smiles at me as he enters the room. He looks somewhat tired, yet his bones are able to move as if he'd just woken up after a healthy amount of sleep. Just like usual. With a sigh he lets his body fall down on the couch. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." I shortly answer, bending my legs for a more comfortable position. "The headache is finally gone."

"That's good."

I unconsciously use the moment of silence to think about what happened earlier. Whenever Eric decides to let his softer side show, I hopelessly give in to whatever he says. He could tell me a thousand lies and I would believe in every single one of them. I guess I'm still in love, much deeper than before. It's almost ridiculous.

I let my mind wander off, far away from where I am into a perfectly self-created world, customized to my own needs and wants only. I literally feel Tobias' piercing eyes on me and they quickly pull me back into reality. I look at him as he is coming closer, pressing his lips against mine, his warm hand touching on my skin as it slowly runs down my arm.

I can't go along with it. I can't touch him the way I did before and it is all because of Eric. I feel guilty for cheating on Tobias, but I feel even worse for faking any kind of affection, playing with that lovely heart he gave me four years ago. With my hand I gently press against his chest before I turn away from him.

"Wait — we need to talk." I say confidently. "There is something I've been wanting to tell you but I just couldn't do it." I breathe in, keeping the air in my lungs before I let it escape trough my mouth. "I'm not ill, the sickness and the headache — it's definitely not a cold I caught."

"That's what I expected. So what is it?"

My eyes turn away from him quickly, finding a new spot to stare at. "I'm pregnant. That's what the doctor told me."

I don't dare to look back up into his eyes, not even for a second. Silence fills the room. I can't remember the last time I have ever felt so uncomfortable. The seconds feel like hours. The earth stopped turning and everything is standing still. I could simply stand up and leave, escaping, fleeing. Running away from all of this. But where would I want to run off to? I have no place to hide.

"Well, what a surprise." I finally manage to turn my head into his direction, watching him raising his hand to scratch the back of his neck. The other hand slowly runs down his thigh, a gesture I often use when my hands get sweaty due to nervousness. "But it's not bad. Not at all. I mean, you have me. And I have you. And we're simply expanding our little family. Doesn't matter if we do it now or later."

It's exactly the way I expected him to react. He doesn't see the problem in this situation. Obviously he can't see it. Because I'm still hiding it. I won't tell him that Eric is the father. Never.

When I get ready for work the next morning, Tobias is already gone. I rush down the stairs and hurry through the hallways to finally reach the training room. I'm not late, but I know that Eric is going to be there today. The urge to see him is big enough to make my feet literally move by themselves. As soon as I see him I lower my pace, entering the training room as casual as I usually do.

The room is filled with cold air, almost freezing. It usually is like that when it's been raining over night and the bigger rooms warm down abnormally fast. Eric is wearing a black jacket today, combined with a dark shirt under it. I catch myself being slightly disappointed, feeling the need to see his strong and muscular arms. Hopefully the room will warm up again during the day.

"You're late." he says, not even looking at me.

"No, I'm not."

"This is today's plan." With his finger he points at the board near the arena. Of course he would let them fight. I'm too far away to recognize any names, but I do see that they are listed in pairs, each person is having an opponent. "The second stage will start in two days, which means I need the results by tomorrow."

"And all you want them to do is fight each other." I shake my head, moving a bit closer to the board. As soon as I recognize the names, seeing who is going to fight who, I turn to him, looking at him wide-eyed. "This is not fair, Eric. Uri won't have the slightest bit of a chance against someone like Carver. He's going to beat her up and you know that." My eyes continue wandering down the list.

"If that's the case then she obviously doesn't belong here."

"You paired them up just the way you want it — these are _your_ results, am I right?" His devious actions upset me and my voice is getting louder with each word. He put the strong against the weak, separating them out at will to make sure he will get the toughest initiates. It makes me remember my own initiation and what I had to go through. I wasn't tough enough for his taste back then, but still I managed to pass each test, getting through stage one even though I wasn't even able to win a fight. It's exactly what he's trying to avoid this year. What he wants are initiates who will pass this initiation through their skills and not with the help of a fine strategy.

"There are initiates I know Dauntless won't have any use of. So, yes. In fact I'm picking my results just the way I want it." He is not even struggling with keeping a straight face. Eric is able to make it sound more than obvious but I'm not going to fall for that.

"It's not always about being tough and strong." I protest, causing him to focus his eyes on mine for more than just a few seconds. For now I have his full attention. I have to swallow to make my voice sound as serious and strong as it did before, not letting him notice that his sudden attentiveness throws me off balance. I know he is giving me a chance to change his mind. Only because he is well aware of the fact that my words are far too weak to impress him. I give in to him again.

"You know," he crosses his arms in front of his chest as he walks towards me. "not everybody's like you, Tris. I'm not interested in ruining their life — I just think that they are better off factionless. And I know what's good for Dauntless. Believe me when I say that people like Uri are usually the first ones to jump. Because some people don't think before they choose." A slight chuckle is able to escape through his lips. "These aptitude tests — bullshit. But men are easy to trick when they are scared."

"Can I ask you ..." I pause. "What was your result? Was it Dauntless?" Eric hesitates. He was right when he said that people are scared. And in a world like this, a world more than far away from being recovered from war, it is safer to have secrets. Especially when you are forced to take a test that will show you who you really are inside ( or who they want you to be; I'm not quite sure anymore ).

"It wasn't." he shakes his head, then he turns around to take one last glance at the board, obviously changing the subject. "Anyway. I have the authority here — here, and everywhere else. Better keep that in mind." He walks past me, heading towards the door. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

I watch his back until he disappears behind the walls. Eric knows exactly how to intimidate people with words and countenance. I dare to say that this is his strongest weapon. It is one of the few things which made it easy for him to reach the position he's got now and it will take him even further.

I'm able to escape my thoughts, preparing the things for today's training, of which I know is going to be hard and anything but fun. I'm still against Eric's decision but eventually he is right. In fact he is the authority here and there is nothing I can do about it.

* * *

— _leave a nice review & tell me what you think! it'll keep me going! c:_


	8. 7TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _i didn't want to let you wait any longer. plus i'm feeling so inspired about the following happenings right now. i hope i can update quickly! now enjoy this chapter, friends!_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 7TH CHAPTER

. . . .

I wake up with the uncomfortable feeling of a backache. The room gets filled by the morning sunlight. Through the window I'm able to see the blue sky; there is not a single cloud covering it. I feel well rested, not as exhausted as I felt during the last few days.

I feel Tobias moving on the mattress next to me. I slept with my back turned on him the whole night. I tried to force myself into wanting his face to be the first thing I see once I open my eyes, waking him up with a soft touch, a small smile or gentle words — I wasn't able to do any of it.

I push my body up into a sitting position and stretch my arms, not being able to hold back a little groan. In the corner of my eye I see Tobias standing up, putting on his black sweatpants before he leaves the bedroom. He never talks much before breakfast, but neither do I, so I don't really mind. In fact I started to enjoy the silence between the two of us.

I showered quickly, already having one foot out of the bathroom when the mirror catches my attention. My hair grew pretty long and got slightly darker, my face looks mature, my body formed into shape by age and Dauntless-training. I turn around, my eyes observing my reflection, my shoulders, my hips and my butt. I consider myself attractive, maybe even kind of sexy in a slinky dress.

"Are you ready?" I hear Tobias shouting from another room. I walk out the bathroom, put on my boots and jacket before I head outside the door, passing him by with a smile. Together we make our way to the dining hall. People would probably guess that we are just good friends, if they wouldn't know about our relationship. I never hold his hand in public and he very rarely kisses me when we are surrounded by people. I guess none of us is able to completely leave Abnegation behind — no one ever is able to fully forget the way their parents raised them.

We enter the room and I see Christina waving at us, but my eyes are searching for someone else. I slowly follow Tobias through the line of tables, passing by familiar faces of friends, acquaintances and initiates.

As I sit down, after greeting Christina and Will with a smile, I finally find Eric, sitting right across from me on the other end of the room. He is sharing a table with Max, his eyes fixed on a bunch of papers in front of him. Every now and then Max is pointing with his finger on a spot somewhere on the paper, gesturing while he's probably explaining some work-related things.

"How are you feeling, Tris?" Will says, but I'm granting him only half of my attention.

"I'm good." I answer his question honestly. "The backache is killing me, though."

"Backaches during pregnancy are more than normal."

It doesn't take long until my head turns straight again, watching Eric sitting there, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. He doesn't seem to be interested in what Max is telling him. Or he is simply too tired to pay enough of his attention. His brutal behavior makes people easily forget about the fact, that he is still learning a lot, too. Just like everyone else. He is the youngest of all leaders, therefore he is filling the lowest position in the leadership. Not everybody is aware of that.

"It's exciting that — well." Will carefully says. "I mean, you two are going to be parents in less than a year."

Will had always been like that — pointing out the obvious just to get amazed by the fact. Christina turns her head to me, stabbing me with her curious eyes. I'm still not sure if it was a good idea to tell her that Eric is the actual father.

"Didn't escape my notice, Will." Tobias politely smiles back at him, but he makes it easy to read his face. He accepted the pregnancy and made sure to let me know that he is alright with it, but it doesn't mean that he is easily getting used to it. I know that he is struggling with his thoughts about it, too. Seeing him like that makes me feel even worse. He shouldn't be the one to carry that weight on his shoulders. He _won't_ be the one to carry it.

"I'll be right back." I say as I stand up quickly, approaching the table Eric is now sitting alone at. I hear Christina shouting my name behind me, but I ignore her. She is my best friend, she is clever and she knows me well enough to tell what I'm going to do before I even complete my thinking about my plans. Eric looks up from the papers as I stop in front of him. The shadows under his eyes tell me that he didn't sleep at night.

"Eric, we need to talk." I sit down close next to him, almost whispering the words.

"Why?" he sighs annoyed. "I don't want to listen to any of your problems right now. I'm busy."

"But it's very important."

"I don't care."

"It has nothing to do with work. It's a private problem about me —"

"Tris!" he interrupts me, his voice slightly aggressive and dominant as usual. "This room is filled with people who are certainly willing to listen to your problems — including your friends."

"I thought you'd care about me." I protest quietly. My vision slowly gets blurred.

"I don't have time for this bullshit."

He grabs the pieces of paper and stands up, leaving me behind just like this; close to tears, disappointed and hurt by his words. Sadness isn't even a word to describe how I feel right now. At the same time I'm furious. He makes me fall for him over and over again, but he is not even trying to catch me.

I feel tears running down my hot cheeks. I rush to the stairs, completely forgetting about my friends and Tobias. I need time on my own and if I'm lucky enough, Christina will hold Tobias back from following me up into the apartment.

. . . .

I have slept until ten am. I was supposed to go through the results of stage one this morning, right after breakfast, but I wasn't able to leave the couch. I'm not having much of an impact, anyway. And Eric probably did everything on his own.

I finally get up, taking a look into the mirror to hide any kind of hint that could show how much I have been crying. One deep breath, and another before I leave the apartment, firmly closing the door behind me. I'm not going to try and avoid Eric for what he did. I keep on telling myself that I am strong enough to handle the situation. I'm able to separate work from any private matters. I'm not a coward and I'm not going to hide from him.

I reach the third floor, confidently standing in front of the office door when I notice that it is almost open. I look through the door crack, finding Eric starring at the computer, and to my surprise I see Tobias standing in front of him. I lean in a little bit closer to hear what they are talking about. At first they don't say anything, the only thing I recognize is a seemingly frustrated sigh, which I identify as Eric's.

"What else do you want?" Eric growls.

"There is something you should know. I saw how you treated Tris in the dining hall."

"So what — she should be used to that by now. Just like everyone else."

"Your behavior was inappropriate. You're the leader and her superior. You are supposed to help her if you want her to do a good job. It's her first year working as an instructor, after all."

"Thank you for reminding me about my tasks, Four." Eric says sarcastically, standing up to walk around the desk, standing in front of Tobias now. "There is the door."

"I came to tell you that Tris is pregnant."

I back away from the door quickly, covering my mouth with my hand to not let out a single sound. He can't be serious — over and over again I'm repeating his words in my head. The tone of his voice is ringing in my ears. He just told Eric that I am pregnant.

In the moment I don't hear anything, neither from Tobias, nor from Eric. It feels like the silence is spreading all over the headquarters, filling every single room. I have never heard my heart beating so loud and so fast. I can barely breath.

"Pregnant?" I hear Eric's voice. I can imagine the look on his face simply by hearing him talking. He's practically asking Tobias to repeat the word, making sure that he didn't misunderstood. I don't dare to look at him.

"Yes," Tobias says. "and I want you to keep that in mind. Or I'll cut your fucking throat. I mean it."

I hear footsteps coming towards the door and I quickly jump behind the next corner. Tobias doesn't notice me as he passes me by, disappearing in the darkness of the hallway. I should be glad, feeling relieved that my secret is finally out — he would have noticed it in a few weeks, anyway.

I slowly open the door, entering it as quiet as possible. Eric didn't move from the spot he stood on just a second ago. His expression is surprisingly calm and soft. He doesn't seem to be worried or shocked, but he had always been able to build up a wall around him. He crosses his arms and our eyes lock. I want to say something, anything to break the silence between us, but there are no words.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he says. I don't want to cry, not again.

"I didn't know how." My voice is shaky. I look down onto the ground, feeling guilty in any way possible. "Besides, I wanted to tell you this morning. But you _didn't have time for my bullshit_. Remember?"

I feel the tears running down my cheeks, but somehow I'm not struggling with holding them back. I'm not ashamed and I want to let him know, practically let him see in my face how much his behavior hurt me.

"Fuck ..." he mumbles. "Look, I'm sorry for —"

"You don't need to apologize. I didn't come to make you say that." I snap, my tone causing him to raise an eyebrow at me. "Anyhow. Now you know that I'm pregnant. But it doesn't matter anyway because stage two is starting tomorrow and I'm able to take care about that on my own. I don't need your help there."

"You should have told me earlier." he protests.

"I didn't even know how to handle it myself. I needed a lot of time to think about it first."

"Oh, you did? Together with Four? Because he seemed well informed about it."

"Are you serious? I'm sharing an apartment with him, the bed, my friends and whatnot. He is always there for me." I begin to shout at him. "Unlike you he didn't blame me for not telling him earlier."

"I'm not blaming you for anything — I'm your superior and it might be wise to inform me about stuff like that."

"Of course, in the end it is always about work! As soon as it is enough for you, you start hiding behind your title of a leader. You know, that's why I told Tobias that it is his child, even though it's not!"

I watch his eyes widen. I've finally said it.

"That's why I didn't tell you." I say quietly, tears still running down my face. " _You_ are the father, but I know that you have other priorities. I want to start a family with Tobias, because I know that he will take care of me and the baby."

After at least thirty seconds of silence, I hear him saying, "Are you sure? I mean, that I'm the father?"

I nod. Then he walks out of the door.

* * *

 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think! It'll keep me going. c:_


	9. 8TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _i don't have much to say - just enjoy this chapter! thank you so so much for all the support i get from you guys. it really means much to me. thank you!_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 8TH CHAPTER

. . . .

"So, what are you going to do?" Christina puts down her tray as we sit down at a free table. During lunch the dining hall isn't as full as it usually is during breakfast.

"What do you mean?" I say before I take a bite from my chocolate muffin.

"Eric is the father, but still you told Four that it's his child. You really wanna keep it like that?"

"Yes." I snort angrily. "And I don't need your opinion on that."

"I'm just a bit worried, that's all."

"And what exactly worries you about that? Tobias will be a good father and he will take care of us."

"I'm not questioning his potential of being a father. It's just that you, well —" she hesitates as I look up to her. "You don't seem very happy with your decision. Did you tell Eric that he is the father?"

"Yes, I did." I roll my eyes at her, showing my annoyance compared with a bitter sigh. " _Geez_ , Christina. Would you please —"

"You did?" she excitedly leans forward. I should have known better. She is the most curious person I know. "How did he react?"

Before I could open my mouth to say something, I see him entering the dining hall. His clothes tell me that he must have been outside and it's raining. I keep on starring at him while he proudly walks through the middle of the room, watching him opening the zipper of his jacket, granting me a tiny peek on his muscular chest. He didn't even look at me once.

"Just like that." I say while I keep my eyes fixed on his back as he walks up the stairs until he disappears. "We didn't speak since then."

"Oh, I get it. You probably scared the shit out of him." I hardly pay attention to what Christina is talking. Instead I keep on repeating conversations in my head, the things I said, the way he answered, simply everything nice he ever said to me. Images are popping up in my head, his eyes and the way he looked at me the night when we —

"You see, Tris, this is what I meant with being unhappy with your decision." Her naturally loud and high voice rips me out of my thoughts, from the past right back into the present. "You are the first person to turn around whenever he enters the room, then you keep on starring at him and even when he is already gone, you can't get your eyes off the spot he just left."

"No!" I protest, looking down onto my hands. "That's not true."

"You can't trick a girl who's been born Candor." she chuckles as I look up at her with a faint smile. "I bet you're dreaming about him at night."

"Alright, it's enough." The corners of my lips quickly move up and I can't stop laughing for the first ten seconds. Everyday I get reminded why she is my best friend. Not even Tobias is able to put a smile onto my face, which I could keep more than two seconds. "You got me. I think I'm a little bit in love." My voice gets more serious after taking another deep breath. "But there is nothing I can do. Because a, he is far too busy for having a family and b, he doesn't even want the child. And before having no one to help me, I lie at Tobias by telling him it's his baby. He will be a good father and I will simply play along. For the rest of my life."

"That's a bad idea. You're unhappy now and it won't change with the years." she slowly shakes her head, her eyes focused on mine. "You go and tell him that it's _his_ child and therefore it is _his_ responsibility. He can't run from it, anyway. And if he does, tell him that he's a coward. That will work."

I can't stop the smile on my face from coming, especially when I heard the last few words she spoke. In fact Eric strongly believes that Dauntless has no room for cowardice and he would utterly hate it to be called like that. And it's true that he can't even run from it. So why doesn't he give in to _me_ this time?

. . . .

I didn't go back to my apartment after work. Christina is right, I need to talk to him. We both are involved in this and I can't live a lie for the rest of my life. I finally need to start being a bit more selfish, keeping in mind what is good for me only and for the child.

I knock on the office door, but nobody answered. The chances that Eric is already up in his apartment aren't very high, but I try it anyway. I rush up the stairs, keeping a quick pace until I stand in front of his door. I knock twice, then three times but again there is no answer. I turn around, taking one step forward when I hear the door suddenly opening.

"Tris," he calls my name as if he'd already expected me. "come in."

I nod, pasting him by as he stands in the door frame. His scent is tempting and the smell of a fresh shower fills the room. I need to stay focused on what I came for. I slowly take a seat on the couch, crossing my legs as I fold my arms over my chest. My reasons to be upset and angry at him are fair enough — I feel ignored and used. I'm not a toy he can play with whenever he feels like it.

He approaches me, but stops in front of the couch. The way he stands there and looks at me reminds me of our first night together. We both knew exactly why and what I came for. We didn't ask any questions, no. We just did it. I suddenly feel ashamed, nearly embarrassed to present myself like this; hair tied up into a pony tail, no make-up ( which basically means, no mascara on my eyelashes ), typical Dauntless clothing. I didn't come like this when I knew he was going to fuck me.

"I miss you." I say, trying my best to hide how surprised I am about my own words. I didn't mean to say that, my mouth worked much faster than my brain did. In my mind it didn't sound that cheesy, either. "You're avoiding me."

"No, I'm not avoiding you." His lips form a small smile as he shakes his head. I have no idea where it comes from.

"Yes, you are. You don't wanna speak to me unless I say something like, _you are not the father and I was just kidding._ "

"You wouldn't see the next morning sun rising if that would be the case." He heads to the kitchen, getting a glass of water for me and a bottle of beer for him. He is still wearing that cheeky smile on his face when he comes back, sitting down next to me. "My attention demands a bit more creativity."

"I'm being serious." I hiss at him. "You can't ignore me for the rest of your life. You are the father and you can't run from it, unless you want to be a coward. Then you can keep on hiding."

"Did Christina tell you to say that? Or did you come up with that on your own?"

"What? Why would you bring her up now?" I'm getting very angry.

"Because stuff like that can only come from a Candor-born bitch."

My eyes widen, not because he just called my best friend a bitch, but because I figured out what exactly he is trying to do; he wants to avoid the subject. He doesn't want to talk about the pregnancy, the baby or anything else related to it. He is trying to work around the problem, but he's failing. I take a deep breath before I talk to calm down.

"It can't be changed." I lean back a little, still having my arms folded. "I expected the Erudite-born to be somewhat ... smarter."

My last words shut him up, his eyes are fixed on the bottle of beer he is holding in his hands, his elbows resting on his thighs as he leans forward. At first the cheeky smile seems to return, but quickly disappears again. He should have known better when he let me into his apartment.

"I don't want the child." he suddenly speaks up. There is a feeling rushing through my blood, but I can't describe it. It is close to disappointment, close to sadness, but it's not exactly it. I don't feel the need to cry, but still there is something in my chest that wants to get out.

"You just need to get used to it. You'll be having plenty of time to think about it." My voice is shaky and insecure, what causes me to hate it for the moment.

"Tris, I mean it. In this faction I'm probably the very last person who wants to be a father. I throw knives at people, I let them climb over the railing and it doesn't bother me at all when they fall down the chasm. I'm not made for a life like this."

"Well," I swallow as my vision is slowly getting blurred. Now it hits me hard, the sadness and the disappointment. And especially the heavy weight of my heart, which feels like is falling all the way down from my chest to my stomach. "if that's your decision, I better go."

I stand up, wiping over my cheek to hide the tears. What was I expecting? — that he would accept it so easily, or that we both could start a family just like that? I knew right from the start that it couldn't work, but still I came here to depress myself even more, getting more and more hurt by the one I love so deeply. I should get over it and finally start to hate him. Just like everyone else.

Before I leave the room, I turn around, catching him looking after me.

"I wish I could be the one to decide." I say, feeling a tear running down my face. "You have no idea how lucky you are, Eric."

"Lucky —" he snorts, seemingly amused by the sound of it. "Stop using such abnormal words."

Not wasting any more seconds with him, I finally open the door, closing it loudly behind me. I don't want to shed more of the tears, I don't want to feel this sadness anymore, especially because I don't even need to — the thing between Eric and me was fun, it was sweet and new. But right from the start I knew that there can't be a future with him. He has priorities in a world I don't belong into. I need to accept that.

* * *

 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think! it'll keep me going! c:_


	10. 9TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _first of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! i wish you and your families and loved ones the very best for 2016! think about it, guys. only three more months until Allegiant! i'm so excited! anyhow, thank you for your reviews! i appreciate every single one of them, really! you help me a lot and i have no idea how to thank you! now enjoy the ninth chapter!_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 9TH CHAPTER

 **[** _ERIC_ **]**

. . . .

I like to watch her when she talks.

Tris is usually smiling when she does, even when she's not in the mood for it. Sometimes it is hard to focus on her eyes, because she tends to wildly gesture with her hands to somewhat avoid the emotions showing in her face, I guess. Of all of the people around here, she is the most transparent one. I can easily see through her but yet I always feel like I choose the wrong decisions when it comes to her — it had always been like that.

It's around seven in the morning and I'm already sitting in the dining hall, reducing my breakfast down to two cups of coffee at the maximum. I fucking hate it because I'm not able to get anything down at such an early hour. But still I need it to keep my eyes open at least until lunch break.

I can't even remember the last time I actually slept well.

Tiredly I rub my eyes, closing them for just a little second when I suddenly hear her laughing. I look up, feeling the tiredness slowly decreasing as I open up my eyes again. She just came down the stairs, having Christina on her right side and Four on her left — that pathetic moron keeps on following her like a dog. _How idiotic!_

I force myself to take another sip of the already cold coffee before I see Tris approaching me, obviously followed by Four.

"Morning," she says, trying her best to fake a smile. "you don't look so good."

"Skip the small talk. What do you want?" I demand harshly, literally seeing the frustration in her eyes.

I was honest when I said that I'm not avoiding her and it never was my intention to do so. But I'm well aware of the signs I give her, of which I shouldn't feel sorry about. Certain things sometimes go too far, so you need to push them back by force. No matter what it will take. That's what I have learned during _my_ initiation.

"Well," she nervously claps her hands together to then fold her arms over her body. She wants to hide her insecurity — luckless. "I need to see the doctor today and I wanted to ask if you could take care of the initiates for me while I'm gone."

"Do I have a choice?" I shrug, letting my gaze wander around the room again as I catch one or two faces staring at me. Sometimes I wonder what exactly is making me so frightening. I used to think that I had it figured out. Back then I thought I knew what exactly makes me the terrible person I am, but she was able to change my mind from one day to the other. Tris is not scared of me, not at all. During her initiation I have done the worst to her and her friends. I literally forced her to leave this place — but she always managed to successfully stand up against me. How bad can I be when not even an Abnegation-girl is frightened by the cruelest leader of Dauntless?

In the corner of my eye I see Tris nodding before she turns around to leave, slowly disappearing in one of the hallways. I turn my head to the side, looking after her when I notice Four still standing next to me, taking a step closer. With a frown on my face I look up at him, being naive enough to believe that my intimidating stare alone would tell him what he's got to do next. It is his turn to flee, but it seems he doesn't even get it. I lean forward onto my elbows, letting out a frustrated sigh because I feel his appearance already giving me the signs of a bad headache.

"What are you waiting for, a fucking permission? Get lost." I growl at him.

Hesitantly he takes a seat in front of me and I lean back, crossing my arms over my chest as some kind of negative response to his discourtesy.

"You know, I'm still wondering —" Four begins to speak when the sound of a harsh and dark voice interrupts him. He turns around as I glance over his shoulder. Max is standing in front of the stairs, his eyes jumping from me to Four and back. With one hand he is still holding onto the rail and his posture is slightly stooping — he rather looks confused and old than commanding right now.

I couldn't care less about what Four tried to say, so I stand up and leave, walking toward Max, who is still having his eyes on me. The closer I come, the more furious his face seems to get and it reminds me how much I hate him in his position. I know exactly what he thinks about me but still he can't deny that in fact I'm indispensable as one of the leaders. There is nothing he could do to get rid of me anyway.

Max turns around as I approach him, raising his hand to give me a sign to follow him up the stairs. Both of us remain silent until we enter his office and I close the door behind me. The whole leadership is gathered in this small room. With my elbows I force my body between Trey and Tobi, who are instantly making half a step to the side.

"I'll make it short." says Max, slowly walking around his desk with his hands folded on his back. "A group of Factionless attacked two of our guards on the west side of the fence the other night. Yesterday they did it again, but this time it was a group of at least ten people not only attacking the guards at the fence, but also a few in the city. Meanwhile another group of Factionless had been caught as they tried to sneak into the headquarters of Erudite. I'm pretty sure that the attacks on our soldiers were meant to be some kind of distraction."

"But what exactly did they want at Erudite?" Tobi utters as she steps forward, brushing my arm as she does.

"I don't know." Max shakes his head. "Three Factionless are currently kept under observation here at the headquarters. They were disguised as Dauntless but our men were able to catch and uncover them before they were able to trespass the building. They refuse to give us more information."

"Well, then." I cross my arms over my chest as I speak. "Scare the shit out of them and make them talk."

"We're going as far as the rules allow us to do. Anyhow, this is the plan: every compound of the Factionless will be kept under guards for the next few weeks. A group of soldiers has already been sent out this morning to install observation cameras at their places, so they'll be watched day and night by our men and women in the control room. Tonight a troop will be sent out to ward the Erudite headquarters. These troops will be lead by me for the next couple of days."

For the next fifteen minutes Max keeps on talking, explaining the details and assigning tasks to us. Again he walks around the table, keeping his sharp eyes on every face for at least two seconds until he stops right in front of me. He's surveying me from only half a step distance and I'm sure that I have seen a little bit of distrust in his eyes. It makes me go furious from one second to the other, but I'm not going to make him notice.

With only twenty-five years I may be the youngest of all the other leaders, but I have showed him more than once that I'm perfectly made for my job.

"I'll be leading the troops at the Erudite compound from our headquarters, while you will stay there with them overnight. Tris will be responsible for the initiates until their final test, so you don't have to take care of them for the last days."

I nod without saying another word, leaving the room quickly as soon as Max allowed us to go.

. . . .

The rest of the day went by fast. Due to Tris's absence I had to take care of the initiates in the simulation room. The longer I watched these kids living their worst fears for just a few minutes, the more I was wondering what exactly fucked them up that much. Then again I thought about the first time I had to face my fears and I started to ask myself the same question.

I'm standing in front of my apartment door when I hear her calling my name. I turn around to watch Tris rushing up the stairs, approaching me with a smile on her face.

"Hey," she says quietly. "can I come in?"

I hesitate for a second before I open the door, waiting for her to enter. Without saying anything she takes a seat on the couch while I get her something to drink. Then I sit down right next to her, keeping the distance between us, even though I would like to have her a little bit closer to me.

"I worry about you." she begins carefully. In the corner of my eye I see her moving. Then I feel her hand slowly sliding down my arm until she stops at my wrist, pulling it back again.

"No need to do that." I say. I know that she is referring to this morning, but I won't let her go into it any further. "What about you? Everything's alright?"

She nods, her eyes gazing anywhere but into my direction — just like I expected it. She remains silent for the next few seconds.

"Well, honestly nothing's alright. Four seems to spend a lot of time in the control room lately, or so he says. He said we'd meet in the dining hall for dinner when I'm back but he didn't come. And now I'm here at your apartment and I know that you too just want me to leave."

"I don't want you to leave." I protest, sighing in frustration because _this_ is definitely not what I need right now. If she just came here to cry her heart out about her relationship and the things I do wrong, then I might change my mind about her presence.

"You don't act like you'd want me around, either."

"What the fuck are you expecting?" She turns her head to me as I frown at her, almost shouting, even though I didn't intend to raise my voice that much. I pause, taking a deep breath to firstly calm down before I speak. "What exactly do you want me to do? Jump for joy whenever I see you? I'm currently having other things on my mind."

"I'm sorry." she says carefully. I lean back slowly, not saying anything because I have no idea how to react to that.

Deep down I know that she doesn't even need to apologize for anything. I'm the one to speak out these two words for everything I have done so far — or for what I haven't done. But _fuck_ , honestly the future is scaring the shit out of me and I have no idea what to do next because in my position it is hard to tell the wrong from the right at the moment. I'm not prepared for that one thing that is coming at me right now and I feel defenseless.

"I spoke to Max today, right after I came back from the hospital. He told me about the attacks of the Factionless. I think they are up to something much worse than just sneaking into the Erudite headquarters. I was at my parent's house the other night and I saw two Factionless carrying something that looked like guns."

"Guns?" I repeat, making sure that I heard correctly about what she just said. "Are you sure?"

"Well, yes." she nods. "Unless hallucination is a side effect of pregnancy, of which I've never heard before."

She had to bring _it_ up — _whatever_. If she is telling the truth, it must mean that somebody is funneling the Factionless with weapons. Or they really were successful when they sneaked in into the Erudite headquarters, because I know that they have a hidden armory for extreme emergencies.

"He also told me that you'd have to stay with the guards at Erudite overnight and that I'm now responsible for the initiates until they take their final test." she adds, talking about it like it would be some kind of bad joke.

"Yes, right." I say, taking a look at my watch. "I gotta go soon."

"Wait!" she places her hand on my shoulder, holding me back before I could stand up. Then she hesitates before she speaks. "Today I had my first ultrasound scan. It doesn't look like a human yet, but I was able to recognize the little heartbeats. The baby is well so far. I thought you might want to know."

"That's ... good." I say, swallowing hard as I look to the door. Then I stand up. "I need to go now."

Not exchanging any more words, we leave the apartment. After locking the door, I watch her walking down the stairs and I notice that she's wiping her tears away once again. Once more I feel the thoughts of wrong decisions and regrets creeping up on me — _how idiotic_.

* * *

 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think! it'll keep me going! c:_


	11. 10TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _christmas break is already over and i wanted to have this chapter done for you before the start of school tomorrow. so here you go! thank you all for your lovely reviews and support. it really means a whole lot to me, you can't imagine! enjoy. c:_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 10TH CHAPTER

. . . .

"You know, it's great that we're able to meet for breakfast this time."

He takes a deep breath, keeping his eyes fixed down onto his cup of coffee while I take a bite of my toast. I have all the good reasons to be upset, not only because he forgot about me yesterday, but also because he didn't even come home. I haven't seen him since I've left for the doctor until now — exactly twenty-four hours later.

"I'm the person you live with in your apartment by the way." I add angrily. "Just in case you forgot about me. Again."

He leans back instantly, leaving a frustrated sigh as he looks right into my eyes and I immediately regret the harsh tone and words I used on him. Tobias looks tired and exhausted due to the dark shadows under his eyes. The frown he is giving me makes him look at least five years older.

"Look," he begins calmly. "the current situation is pretty messed up. The thing with the Factionless is keeping everyone busy and it's a big fucking disaster because nobody knows what exactly their plans are. And I am responsible for finding that out because I am watching them from the control room. I'm scared of missing out on any clues that might be important."

"You could have at least send someone to tell me that you're not coming." I snort, taking one last bite of my toast.

"Tris, don't you understand that I was busy? I didn't forget about you coming back from the doctor but honestly I forgot that we were supposed to meet for dinner. Of which I apologize for but I just had other priorities at that moment."

"Seriously?" I say, feeling the energy rushing through my blood. It's one of the less moments in our relationship, when I simply want to punch him in the face, not to hurt him in any way but to make him take back the things he just said. "Your pregnant girlfriend just came back from the doctor and all you have in your mind are these goddamn Factionless?"

"Stop making things up. That's not what I've meant and you know it."

"Well, alright." I nod sarcastically, crossing my arms as I lean back as well. "I wasn't alone anyway because Eric took good care of me while you were busy setting your priorities."

I'm well aware of what it does to him when I say that I've spend time with another man during his absence. Especially when that other man is someone he just can't get along with because he's always been some kind of a rival to him. I don't think that there ever was a time when none of them felt like puking as soon as the other entered the room and they were forced to share the same air.

My body is filled with rage right now. I could say things that will instantly make him regret that he wasn't there yesterday — I could simply spit out the truth and tell him how Eric was able to satisfy me in a way, which even made me come back for a second time. Yet my brain is still working straight enough to know that this is definitely a stupid idea. _Thank god!_

"I hope you two had fun then." he stands up from his seat, turning around to face me before he keeps on walking. "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you: I wasn't alone, either last night."

He raises his hand to the right side of the room, my eyes following his finger to a table where Lauren is sitting at. I keep on staring at her as I hear his footsteps getting quieter the farther he moves away from me. When I turn to him again, I can only watch his back disappearing in the dark hallway.

I lean forward, burying my face in my hands while I take a deep breath. I jerk when I suddenly hear a dark voice, which I identify as Max's, right next to me. I look up to see him standing there with his arms crossed, looking down on me with sharp and cold eyes.

"Good morning, Tris." he greets me, not even smiling for a tiny second. "Next week the initiates will take their final test. After that you'll go back into your old position. I want you to accompany Eric to the Erudite compound then. He's currently leading the troops from there while I'm doing it from our headquarters."

I swallow hard, my eyes widening a bit as soon as I realize what he just said. The one thing that immediately pops up in my mind is my pregnancy — I can't do it.

"Do you really think he needs my help, I mean ... is it really necessary? I'm not really sure if I'm the right person for this." I stutter, slowly letting my sweaty hands run up and down my thighs as his face gets more and more fierce. Then he slowly leans down closer to me.

"If you think you're not the right person for this, then I suggest you leave this place. We don't need to ask ourselves if we are the right people for war because this faction is training fucking soldiers. If you're not the right one to fight for safety in this city, then tell me who is it?"

If there is something Max hates, then it is people who are not willing to obey to what he demands. He made it clear long ago and is still making sure that nobody forgets about his authority. His intimidating stare is warning me, holding me back from contradicting in any way. This situation is taking me back to when I was sixteen, still an initiate and weak. _We train soldiers, not rebels_. The words Eric said to me back then keep on repeating in my head and it automatically puts me back into place.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly, trying my best to avoid eye contact. "I am the right one for this and of course I will accompany Eric as soon as I'm through with training the initiates."

"That's more like it. Make sure to speak to Eric about it. He'll instruct you into your tasks."

I nod, even though he can't see it because he already turned around to leave.

. . . .

I went up into the apartment after work and obviously Tobias was not there. I should have known. So I decided to look for him in the control room instead. I still remember the things he said this morning. The more I think about it, the angrier I get but that'll have to wait.

I carefully enter the control room, sticking my head through the door crack first to see Tobias sitting in front of the monitors. Right behind him, also staring at the screens, stands Eric with his arms crossed over his chest. I watch them for a little while and to my own surprise, they seem to slightly get along and agree to the other's opinions when it comes to the Factionless — or at least they can play it well.

"Do you see it?" asks Tobias, pointing with his finger at a little spot on the screen. "They try to hide it but this kind of disguise is suspicious. Might be better to check it out."

"These bastards think they're clever, don't they? We'll see about that." Eric mutters and I assume that he's rather speaking to himself than to Tobias, who's imperceptibly nodding.

I slowly approach them.

"Hey." I say, gaining the attention from both of them as they turn around. While Tobias greets back at me, Eric instantly looks back at the screens, ignoring me because I guess he assumes that this was clearly not meant for him, which is absolutely wrong. In fact I'm looking into his direction when I speak. "I need to talk to you both."

When Eric turns around, I notice that short but yet significant look he gives Tobias, which confirms my assumption that they are far away from getting along just like usual. Sometimes I think I see a little spark of jealousy in his eyes but I can't think of a tangible reason for it. One thing I never was able to figure out.

"I spoke to Max this morning." I begin, still keeping my eyes on Eric. "He wants me to go with you to the Erudite compound after the initiates took their final test."

"And I hope you said that you can't do it." says Tobias, still wearing that same frown on his face like he did just a few hours ago.

Before I speak up, my eyes wander over to Eric again. For some reasons I expected more than this expressionless face. I quickly look back at Tobias, who is still waiting for my reaction. Then I shake my head.

"Honestly I didn't say anything. He got angry." I admit.

"You should have said something." Eric says surprisingly calm, earning a wondering stare from Tobias, but only for just one or two seconds. Then he stands up, laying a hand on my upper arm in a way that makes Eric instantly taking a step back. In the corner of my eye I see his chest heaving in annoyance. I know that Tobias is trying to push him away.

I think back to this morning and what I said about Eric and how he took good care of me last night. Tobias must be jealous.

"Don't be stupid, Tris. Tell him that you can't go." he says, then he turns his head to look at Eric, but remains silent. I see that his eyes are expecting something, anything. Whatever arguments Eric has to offer to make Max change his mind, — or at least understand my position without giving away that I'm pregnant — he would want him to use it to convince him to get me out of this.

"And what exactly do you think should I tell him?" I hiss at Tobias, taking a step back as I pull back my arm, so his grip detaches from my body. "He doesn't need to know about the pregnancy."

With a sigh Tobias folds his arms over his chest, shaking his head while he leans against the table, sitting with his back turned to the monitors.

"It's not very fair, you know. Because this is also my child and I don't want to risk anything just because you are scared."

I need to catch my breath for a moment when I see the look on Eric's face. Again I see that spark in his eyes, which I recognize as jealousy, but this time somewhat fiercer, filled with much more disgust towards Tobias.

" _Your_ child?" Eric repeats ironically, obviously not asking an actual question.

I swallow hard as I try to think but there are no words coming out of my mouth. I watch Tobias stepping forward, standing face to face to Eric as if he would want to threaten or even intimidate him.

"Yes," Tobias says. " _my_ child and _my_ girlfriend."

"I don't think that this warning is needed, Tobias." I quickly reach out my hand to grab his wrist, pulling him back firmly before one of them can say something. "Let's focus on the thing I was coming for, alright?"

"You've made yourself clear." Tobias sighs, rolling his eyes before he sits down on his chair, turning around again to keep observing the monitors. Then he adds, "If you want to go there, fine. Do it. Go with him and tell me how it was afterwards."

I saw that coming. Tobias is a lovely boyfriend and I can only imagine what a wonderful and caring father he would be, but yet he is very stubborn. I open my mouth as to say something, but quickly shut it and leave the room. The last few days with him have been terribly exhausting and I'm slowly feeling tired of arguing and apologizing.

I turn around when I hear footsteps following me. Carefully Eric closes the door, leaning against it with his hands behind his back. Leisurely I approach him and for the first few seconds we're not exchanging any words, just staring at each other as I feel the corners of my mouth slowly moving upwards.

"You two almost looked like you were getting along when I came in." I say.

The tiny laugh that escapes through his lips is almost heartwarming, reminding me that he is anything but a bad person. I wouldn't agree in calling him a good person, either. But who am I to judge him?

"Better get your eyes checked." he suggests before the smile on his face disappears bit by bit. "I'll talk to Max and ask him to send out someone else."

I nod as I look down onto my hands. I clench my fists, watching the wounds widen as my knuckles slowly turn white from the pressure. Even though I'm still upset at him, I must admit that Tobias was right when he said that it's not fair — towards Eric. It is his child, after all, which is probably the reason for him secretly sharing Tobias's opinion.

Sometimes I wish I could take a look into Eric's thoughts, sneaking into his head, his dreams, imaginations and fears. Especially the fears, simply out of curiosity.

He passes me by and for a second I just stand there and inhale his scent before I turn around.

"Eric, wait!" I say, making him turn around once more before he goes. "I know you don't like it that I told Four that the child would be his. But honestly you left me no other option. You don't have any time for it and I can accept that. But it doesn't change the fact that this child _needs_ a father."

I'm expecting the worst right now. I wouldn't be surprised if he would just leave, like he always does, or yell at me because this subject is annoying and he has other and more important problems to take care of. But he does none of that. He simply stays there, not even avoiding my eyes on his.

"There are ..." he pauses and swallows, his eyes wandering down to the ground as he crosses his arms over his chest. "There are a few things I wish I could explain to you. And believe me when I say that I definitely care more than you might think I do. But it's a difficult situation and I'm just not sure about what to do yet."

Once he ended his sentence I come a littler closer, taking his hand into mine before I gently pull him after me.

"Come, I'd like to show you something."

* * *

 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think! it'll keep me going. c:_


	12. 11TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _i'm sorry for the cliffhanger, but at the same time i'm not, haha. thanks to everyone who left a nice review! and now enjoy. c:_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 11TH CHAPTER

. . . .

I can't remember the last time I have ever felt so nervous.

Slowly I walk up the stairs, still holding Eric's hand in mine as he follows me. The awareness of his presence reminds me to keep breathing, because otherwise I might forget about it. Each step feels heavy and honestly I have no idea what I'm doing — there are enough good reasons for why this is a brilliant idea. But there is also a fair number of reasons for why this could be the worst decision of all.

The extreme pounding of my heart deafens my ears. I'm not even able to hear my own footsteps.

I take a deep breath when we reach the door to my apartment, entering it after I finally let go of his hand. I watch him shortly taking a look around before his grey pupils fix on my eyes again.

"Sit down." I say to him, my finger pointing in the direction where the couch is standing.

In the next moment I disappear behind the walls of the bedroom. There are still clothes laying on the floor but this time it doesn't bother me. My mind and thoughts have already been sent elsewhere. I walk towards the nightstand, opening the bottom drawer to search through it until I finally find the photo of the ultrasound, buried under a thousand other things. I've been hiding it from Tobias.

Before I return to Eric, I take another look at it. It's not even a human yet, but the shape is close to it. The little arms and legs can be easily recognized, and of course the head, too. From one second to the other it causes the corners of my lips to move upwards, just like it usually does. I secretly wish that Eric's reaction will be similar to mine, if not the exact same one.

Another deep breath, releasing it slowly before I walk back to the couch. Eric turns his head to me once I sit down next to him, granting me every single bit of his attention. His eyes are instantly darting down to my hand, in which I'm holding the photo. Then I reach it out to him but his face stays the same, serious as usual and even a little bit fierce.

I bite my lip to hold back the words I wish I could say at this very moment but I wait instead, giving him the time to take a closer look at the photo.

I lean in a little bit closer, surveying his face for a few more seconds. His gaze softened, but still his expressions seems cold and emotionless. Again I get nervous and the silence is almost killing me. His reaction is even beyond my expectations because I was hoping for at least a blink of the eyes, a quiet sound, a frustrated sigh perhaps — but there is nothing.

If he would want to go right now, I would let him leave. It would be senseless to force him into this situation.

"It's not really a human yet but ..." I finally speak, hesitating for a moment before I continue. "you see here, this is the spot where I recognized a little heartbeat. You can barely see it on the photo but, well. It was there. And I felt it."

He swallows, still remaining silent as I watch his body heaving calmly. I move my hand up to his arm, nudging it softly. I will probably die from a heart attack if he continues to keep his mouth shut.

"Say something, Eric." _Anything, please._

"Well, I ..." he begins, looking back to me with something I recognize as a slight shade of a smile on his face. Or maybe it's just the lack of oxygen in my lungs, which is slowly causing hallucinations. "I honestly don't know what do say. It's ... I wasn't expecting that."

"Then what did you expect?" I ask calmly.

Keeping his eyes fixed on mine, he shrugs and leans back, saying: "I don't know. Maybe I expected you to hate me."

I lean back as well before I take the photo out of his hand, moving my thumb up and down over the spot where the little head is.

"I tried." I say as I put the photo on the little table in front of us. "I wanted to hate you. It's what you deserve."

I don't even dare to look back up into his face again, even though I shouldn't feel ashamed for my honesty. Eric pushed me away. Every time we saw each other he wished for either me or him to be elsewhere. With his selfish behavior he ripped my heart into pieces. But still — I forgave him every damn time he hurt me. And I know that, if he decided to leave me now, I would crawl after him, forgiving him again and again and again.

In the corner of my eye I see him nodding. After a little while I notice him gazing down at the picture again.

"I didn't show it to anyone yet, not even Four." I say, patiently waiting for him to look back at me. "I wanted you to see it first."

Most of the time he kept a straight face but by mentioning Tobias, it somewhat changed into a darker, more annoyed expression. I'm always surprised at how both of them are able to take almost fully control over the other's mood. I had no idea that hate could even go that far until I've met Eric and Tobias.

"You know," I begin quietly, moving a little bit closer to him, my eyes fixed on the photo again. "I wish for it to be a little girl. I would name her Natalie because it's my mother's name. And I would tell her everything about her grandmother." I pause. "I wouldn't be disappointed if it will happen to be a boy, though. Not at all."

I turn my head to Eric and begin to smile as his eyes meet mine.

"I just hope for him that he won't be as hot-headed as you are." I say, not able to hold back a small laughter.

"Oh, come on." Eric says, and my smile gets even brighter when I watch him laughing with me. "That's not even my worst trait."

"Right," I nod. "you're ruthless."

"I'm dauntless."

I open my mouth but I have no words. He's got a point. Eric is one of the few people, who represent this faction perfectly. He's fearless and brave, he won't back down, whatever the situation might be. He's able to impress a lot of people with that, but at the same time his brutality is too intimidating. And I'd assume that this is the exact problem — for Eric it is hard to tell _being respected_ from _being feared_. Unlike Tobias, who can also be very intimidating, yet likable at the same time because he recognizes the limit. It's difficult to explain.

At the last moment, before I decided that it might be better to put back some space between us, he comes closer and presses his lips onto mine. Again he does things that are far beyond my expectations, leaving me breathless for the second time for today.

I back away quickly, pressing the palm of my hand against his chest. While I'm still trying to figure out if there is some kind of answer to find in his grey eyes, I realize how needy I am. He knows that I missed him. I had to live without these kisses far too long and both of us are willing to change that immediately.

I push my body onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck as our lips touch again. With his hands on my skin, sliding down my sides and over my thighs, his touch is making me shiver.

This is what I want. Eric is the one I want and I know he wants me, too. He always wanted me.

The kiss gets wilder, even more passionate and I begin to fill the room with quiet noises, especially when he leaves a trial of kisses down my neck. I feel his hand on my breast and he presses my body closer to his. I can't hold back another, louder sigh, speaking out his name in a way, of which I know it will drive him crazy.

His hands move down to my butt and under my thighs, lifting me up and carrying me to the kitchen to let me down on the countertop. With his hands he spreads my legs, placing his body between them as he leans against me, kissing me exactly the way I want to be kissed. I let my left hand wander under his shirt, feeling his strong body and his abs.

I feel another shiver, this time caused by his hand unbuttoning my pants.

"Wait," I whisper, placing my palm on his hand, gently pulling it away. "another time."

"Of course." he smiles, leaning down to press a kiss on my lips for the last time before he backs away.

I can't do it. Not because of the pregnancy, I don't have a problem with it, and not because of Eric. But because of Tobias. I don't want to cheat on him again, I don't want to lie again — I need to clear things up first and this time for real. I will tell Tobias that it's not his child, that I am in love with Eric and that it had always been that way.

I hop off the countertop, putting my shirt back into place when I see Eric taking a look at his watch.

"I need to go." he says. His words pain me because I wish he could stay. I wish we could be together the whole night and the next morning I would wake up next to him. But his duties do not allow it and there is nothing we could do.

I follow him to the door, both of us stopping in front of it before he leaves.

"I missed you." I say quietly.

With a soft smile he leans down to me, pressing another kiss on my lips. Then he says: "I missed you, too."

I can't do anything but watch him disappear behind the closing door, crossing my arms over my chest as my heartbeat finally starts to slowly go back to normal. I wonder what exactly made him change his mind — if he even did. Maybe he kissed me because he knew that it would keep me quiet and we would finally stop talking about the child. Or he kissed me because he really was honest when he admitted that he missed me. Maybe it was nothing more than the jealousy he felt towards Tobias, which drove him into doing this.

I hate myself for having doubts when it comes to his honesty.

* * *

 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think! it'll keep me going. c:_


	13. 12TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _this chapter is rather short but it has a reason. thanks a lot to **murmelinchen** for giving me a lot of inspiration for this and the next chapters! ( if you guys have any requests on what you would like to see in this fic, i'm open for everything as long as i'm able to build it in! ) and also thanks to those who tend to leave a review every now and then. you guys are an amazing support and i appreciate every single review i get! thanks! and now enjoy! c:_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 12TH CHAPTER

. . . .

Max wants me in his office this morning.

With quick steps I rush through the dark hallways until I reach the door. I feel the pounding of my heart in my chest and I have no idea whether it's caused by the swift pace of my legs or maybe even by the slight nervousness that's slowly coming up.

I open the door firmly, entering the office to see Max sitting at his desk. I instantly notice Eric standing on the right side of the room, leaning with his back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. He doesn't grant me one single glance. When I turn my head to the other side, I see Tobias standing near the desk. Unlike Eric he smiles at me, reaching out his arm into my direction, grabbing my hand softly to pull me closer to him.

Today the jealousy is written right into Tobias's face and I start to wonder if he knows about Eric and me.

"We'll make it fast since I don't have much time." Max begins, standing up from his chair as he focuses on my eyes. "You will switch the position with Four, which means that you'll work in the control room for him while he accompanies Eric — is everyone satisfied now?"

"No way!" Eric instantly protests. "You've gotta be kidding."

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Max says angrily as he walks around the desk. He pauses, stopping right in front of Tobias and me. Then he walks over to Eric, who's raising his chin lightly. "The problems between the two of you are no matter of the faction. This is an order. And now get out of here."

With a frown Eric turns around. I follow him closely as he leaves the room and I'm quite sure to have heard him curse quietly. Before I could say something, he turns around again, approaching Tobias, who's still standing at the office door, closing it firmly.

"This was your idea, wasn't it, _Eaton_?" Eric says furiously.

I notice Tobias taking half a step back, then he nods. "Yes, because otherwise Max would have want her to go with you until he found someone else. And we both know that this would have taken at least a week. And I rather accompany you than watching you putting her and the child into danger."

"Danger?" Eric repeats. "This is fucking bullshit."

I watch Eric walking precariously close towards Tobias, clenching his fists. I quickly jump between them, pressing my hand against Eric's chest to make him stop moving. As he looks down to me, I automatically lean back against Tobias's chest.

"Eric, it's enough. Just leave it be." I say harshly.

"Why the fuck are you always on his side?"

Our eyes fix for a moment and his words leave me speechless. I expected everything but this question — I'm not _always_ on his side. Or am I?

I suddenly feel Tobias taking a step forward, forcing me to make some space.

"Because she couldn't care less about assholes like you!" he yells at Eric, raising his hands to push against his chest. This is the exact moment when I know that Tobias is going too far — Eric can take a few words and still stay calm ( or at least he is trying ), but attacking him physically is anything but wise. Before one of them makes the first step into a fist fight, I throw my body between them for a second time, pushing Tobias two steps away.

"Calm down, Tobias!" I say, then I turn around to look at Eric. "And you, too. You heard what Max said."

I suddenly get interrupted by the loud noise of an alarm signal, which is making me wince. I have never heard it before. I look around and notice some red lights blinking at the walls and on the ceiling. I turn around again, my questioning eyes searching for Eric's but he is already in motion. I watch him rushing down the stairs, followed by Max and Tobias. Without hesitation I start to run after them.

We reach the pit and as Eric and Max swiftly turn right, Tobias runs left and for a moment I stop.

I decide to keep on following Eric and Max. They take the stairs to the basement and it doesn't take long for me to realize where they are going. We enter a huge arsenal, a few of the Dauntless are already here to pick up their guns. As Eric and Max walk straightly through the room, I try my best to keep up with them, elbowing my way through the people to not lose them. Then I hear Tobias's voice over the loudspeakers.

"ATTENTION! THE DAUNTLESS HEADQUARTERS ARE UNDER ATTACK. MEMBERS WHO ARE ABLE TO FIGHT ARE COMMITTED TO DEFEND AND PROTECT THE BUILDING WITH GUNS! THIS IS NOT AN EXERCISE! I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT AN EXERCISE! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!"

I'm still standing behind Max when he suddenly thrusts a gun into my hands. Breathing gets more and more difficult with each second that passes and I can literally feel the blood rushing through my veins. People scamper through the armory, leaving fast as soon as they have prepared their guns.

Again I follow Eric through the hallways, being told by Max to stick with him because he must have noticed that I have not a single clue about where I have to go. As we keep on moving west, a few people run towards us — elderly members, children and those, who are unable to fight — until we reach the gate. The battlefield in front of us makes me stop and stare for a little while.

I have never seen something like this before. Dauntless fighting against Dauntless — traitors, who must have affiliate with the Factionless while they lived here. Under them I spot a few Factionless, not wearing any kind of disguise, trying to sneak through the people to perhaps get deeper into the headquarters.

"Tris!" I hear Eric's voice shouting. I keep on turning, my eyes searching for his face when he suddenly grabs my arm, pulling me roughly to the side. "What the fuck are you doing? Focus on what you have to do!"

I instantly free myself from his tight grip and start running towards the raging crowd. I'm mostly aiming for legs or arms, hoping it would scare them enough to simply make them backtrack, not forcing me to kill them eventually.

In the corner of my eye I notice a Factionless approaching me with a knife in his hand. He pushes me hardly to the ground. In the next moment my sight turns dark and blurred. I can barely hear anything, not even the shooting of the guns. I try to get back up on my feet when the feeling of extreme pain comes up, leaving my right arm and shoulder completely numb.

I notice the spot my head was laying on turned red, blood dripping off the right side of my face. Then everything turns to black again.

* * *

 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think! it'll keep me going. c:_


	14. 13TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _I apologize for letting you guys wait so long! anyhow, please enjoy this chapter while I'm already working on the next one! c;_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 13TH CHAPTER

. . . .

My sight is still blurred when I wake up, the bright light hurting my eyes for a little moment. My head hurts badly and I raise my hand, pressing the palm against my forehead. I imagine that it might be easing the pain. But it remains.

I try my best to observe my surrounding without much effort but every single movement hurts. Once my vision gets clear again, I finally see where exactly I am, the infirmary. I have no idea how I got here but at this very moment I don't even care.

I try to sit up but this intense pain I feel in every bone wrestles me down again, making me leave aching noises through my lips. I have never felt like that before and I feel a tear running down my cheek.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I hear a familiar voice not far away from me. Will approaches me with a soothing smile. "It's good that you're awake. How are you feeling?"

What exactly is he expecting, I ask myself before I give him an answer. "Bad. Very bad. Everything hurts, my head, my arms and legs and even my —"

I instantly stop talking when I finish the sentence in my head. My eyes widen and the panic creeps up on me when I feel my heartbeat getting faster, the blood rushing through my veins like never before.

"My baby," I say, looking at Will. My hand automatically presses against my belly when I try to sit up a second time. "what about my baby, Will?"

"Relax, Tris!" With both of his hands he presses against my shoulders, softly forcing me to lay down again. "Look, from what I was able to see it's okay. But you know that I'm not able to see much with the little equipment I have here. You definitely need to see the doctor at the city hospital as soon as you've recovered."

"Then let me go there now. I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You and the baby need a lot of rest now."

My head leans back against the pillow and I feel another tear wetting my cheek when I close my eyes. I need the assurance that my baby is alright and the fact that I'm basically tied to the bed makes me furious. If something happened to my child, I will never be able to forgive myself.

My eyes open up again when I feel the touch of Will's hand on mine. Just now I see the blood on the right side of his face, running down his neck, leaving a few red stains on his shirt. Then I turn my head to the other side, letting my eyes wander through the room patiently. This place is a mess. Chaos must have been raging here, too and I suddenly feel scared to see the rest of the headquarters.

"What exactly happened? How did I get here?" I ask, my eyes spotting his again.

"Well," he begins, sitting down on the edge of my bed while he's still holding my hand. "Eric brought you here. He said that a Factionless must have attacked you but he didn't see it. He just found you bleeding on the ground."

"Eric?" I repeat his name quietly. "He brought me here?"

"Yes, he did." Will nods.

I take a deep breathe, longing for his presence right now. I can't remember one single thing from what had happened. All I know is that the Factionless charged the headquarters of Dauntless for whatever reason and I even remember Max giving me the gun before I was told to follow Eric to one of the gates. The rest of my memory turns black whenever I try to conjure it back into my mind.

"What time is it?" I let the words escape my mouth with a sigh.

"Around nine or ten, I guess." he says, then a bright smile draws his face. "I lost my watch last night. And the clock up there is dead for months now."

Will is able to infect me with his laugh, if only briefly.

I instantly turn my head to the door when I hear it opening. A tall man in a blue jacket walks in, holding a dispatch case in one of his hands. Once he got closer, I recognize his face as the one of Dr. Coulter.

"Good Morning." he nods at me, then at Will, who immediately jumps off the bed in surprise. "You are the doctor in charge here, I guess?"

"Something like that." Will shrugs. "For the moment at least."

"Alright," the doctor says. "I've been informed about Miss Prior's current situation and I've been called out here to check on the baby."

His words turn into a beautiful melody in my ears and I feel the heavy weight tumbling down my shoulders. The corners of my lips quickly move upwards as I breath out in relief.

"May I ask who exactly called you?" Will asks carefully and I curiously look up to the doctor, who remains silent at first while he prepares his equipment.

"I don't see why this would be important right now. So, if you would excuse us for a few minutes?"

Without another word Will leaves the room and I watch him disappearing behind the door. Even though I feel the need to badly know about the person who's sent him, I'm able to hold back my curiosity for the next couple of minutes. I close my eyes, trying my best to relax while the doctor palpates across my belly. The pressure of his hands on my skin hurts every now and then, leaving me even more worried with every second that passes by. This moment feels like an eternity.

Then he finally speaks up and says, "You're very lucky, Miss Prior. The baby is fine so far, which I can only explain with either the way you fell or with the advantageous position of the baby while you hit the ground. This, however, is no guarantee for the child's health. All I can tell you right now is that the heart is still beating the way it should do."

I hear the sound of the opening door again before I see Eric approaching us. The doctor turns to see him but looks back at me right after, his expression unimpressed.

"Didn't know you were still here." Eric says, eyes fixed on the doctor.

"As you can see, boy, my work is not done yet."

The doctor turns his back on me as Eric takes a step forward, sitting down next to me on the edge of the bed. He takes off his jacket, releasing his muscular arms when I notice a bandage around his right upper arm. I raise my hand, letting my fingers slide over it softly.

"What happened?" I ask, worried.

"Just a graze wound. I'm fine." he says, taking my hand into his before he slightly leans down, pressing his lips against the back of it for a short moment. I smile as he lets go of it again. I honestly could get used to this kind of greeting.

"Don't you want to know how your mother is, boy?" the doctor asks, still having his back turned on us.

I noticed it the last time, and even that one time before when I was at the hospital. It is Eric's father, who is treating me. Not only the last name they share, but also the way he talks and moves gave it away on first sight. Dr. Coulter turns around, surveying his son, especially the clothes and tattoos.

"How is she?" Eric says with his eyes fixed down on his hands, his voice as disinterested as he looks like.

"She's happy because your sister is making an impressive progress at the laboratory." he says proudly. "Amazing findings for a girl her age. What do you say?"

"Good for her." he shrugs. "How about you focus on your job here."

A frustrated sigh quietly escapes through his father's lips before he comes closer to my bed again, handing me a little box filled with white pills.

"One a day is enough to ease the pain for a while. The intake happens every twenty-four hours. It's a painkiller especially made for women during the pregnancy and won't damage the child as long as you keep the schedule in mind — never ever take more than one pill within these twenty-four hours. No matter how strong the pain might be."

I nod without saying a word, my eyes remaining on the box as I take a closer look at it. I can't do anything but accept and trust the doctor's words, even though I tend to be wary of Erudite and its people. They have never harmed anyone and in fact their medicine and other inventions are more than helpful in our society. But yet they've always left some kind of deceitful taste on my tongue.

Dr. Coulter takes his dispatch case, fixing his jacket as he straightens up and turns to look at Eric, who is turning away from his father on purpose. Sadly I have to admit, that this kind of relationship between children and their parents is quite common once they have decided to transfer into another faction. It is strange because we've been raised to think carefully about who we truly are. Yet again our parents feel betrayed as soon as we think that we've finally figured it out.

I remember my father's reaction when I transferred to Dauntless. He didn't even want to speak to me, but even less did he want to speak to Caleb. But if my father, an honest and proud member of his faction, is able to overcome this sorrow and disappointment, then one day Eric's family might be able to do it, too.

With just a single nod at me, the doctor leaves the room.

"Are you feeling better?" Eric asks calmly.

I begin to move, leaning onto my elbows to sit up straight. With a little effort, I take the pain until I found a comfortable position, biting my underlip to hold back any whining sounds. I know Eric for four years now and he's already seen me at my worst. But still I feel the need to prove to him that I am anything but weak. That I am just as dauntless as he is.

"I'm fine." I say, forcing a smile when I look at him. The worst thing about this whole situation is that I actually know that he knows that I'm lying. We both know that I wouldn't be here, tied to this bed if I would be fine. My smile slowly fades before I speak up again. "I didn't know you have a sister."

"Now you know."

The more I think about his sister and how his family might be, the more I realize that I don't know anything about his past except that he's been raised in Erudite. I almost feel ashamed about being so curious but yet I wonder how his youth must have been. In fact I believe that he must have been quite good in school, just like every Erudite-born student was when I was still attending school. They were always hardworking and reading a lot, which leaves me wondering what kind of books Eric had been reading back then.

Before I sink too deep into my thoughts, I reach out my arm, grabbing him by his shirt as I softly pull him closer to me to press my lips onto his. He returns the kiss with another, lifting me back up on cloud seven from one second to the other. In such moments I'm always wondering if he loves me as much as I love him — god, if he would only know how _much_ I love him.

* * *

— _leave a nice review & tell me what you think. It'll keep me going! c:_


	15. 14TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _you guys had to wait way too long! i had some kind of a blockade when it came to writing and so i decided it might be best to take a break. whatever, enjoy this chapter, friends! ( and BIG THANK YOU for all the nice reviews! i appreciate every single one of them! )_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 14TH CHAPTER

. . . .

It must be around five in the afternoon when I leave the infirmary. The last three days I've spent with a lot of sleeping and thinking and I must admit that I became slightly euphoric when Will told me that I was allowed to leave. As much as I loved the hours of silence and rest, I'm not able to stay in this room any longer — no Dauntless-member would ever enjoy the infirmary.

I pace through the dark hallways after leaving the medical area, making my way to the dining hall. Every now and then I look around, my eyes trying to find something, anything that might have been left by the raging chaos, the Factionless and the traitors. But there is nothing and I begin to wonder what exactly I've been expecting. Everything looks normal, just as if nothing had ever happened.

Slowly I enter the dining hall, instantly spotting Christina and Lauren sharing a table while they seem to have a little chat — I have no idea why exactly my best friend is sitting there with Lauren. All I know is that her presence is leaving a sour taste on my tongue.

"Hey," I say when I approach them, sitting down next to Christina, having Lauren right in front of me. "Will told me you wanted to see me."

"Yes," Christina nods with a heartwarming smile, which disappears within the next second. "we need to tell you something."

"Tobias is gone." Lauren's voice jumps in before Christina could even end her last word.

My head instantly turns to see Lauren, my eyes widen while my blood rushes through my veins, filling with schock when it freezes but also with rage. Did she just call him by his real name? Or did I misunderstand because of the loud noise in here? I need a moment to catch myself again, taking a deep breathe to calm down and focus on what's really important right now.

"What do you mean? What happened?" I ask, my wet hands nervously running up and down my slacks.

"Well, we don't really know." Lauren says quietly and I lean closer to her. "He's gone since the Factionless left the headquarters and he was nowhere to be found. Nobody saw him or seem to know anything."

"Right," Christina adds. "I'm sorry for telling you just now, Tris, but I figured it might be better to wait until you feel a little bit better."

I nod quietly, my eyes fixed down on my hands as I slowly drift off into my thoughts. It seems odd to me that someone like Tobias would get caught by the Factionless — or worse. He had always been a brilliant fighter. Strong, fast and extremely skilled. Even with guns.

"I just hope he's still alive." Lauren says, worrying but I don't grant her any more of my attention.

Then I feel Christina's hand on my shoulder and I turn to her when she says, "People are blaming Eric. They said that he was supposed to watch the gates on the west side of the building during the attack but he wasn't there. Nobody seems to have seen him, either. And, well," she shrugs and pauses for a few seconds, simply starring at me before she speaks up again. "he's got a motive."

"What motive?" I say, the additional laughter making it sound ridiculous — because in fact it _is_ ridiculous.

"He always hated Tobias." Lauren answers angrily. "He's a cruel monster who would fucking kill to get what he wants. He's always been like that."

"He wouldn't do something like that." I protest, hiding my hands as I clench my fists under the table.

"I know him better than you, Tris. And I know exactly what I'm talking about."

I turn my head to the other side when a frustrated sigh escapes through my lips. I feel the need to simply let go of what's currently raging inside of me, spitting out the truth, use it as some kind of weapon to defend myself and simply laugh into her face once the words have hit her. But sadly I can't burst it out just like that.

I'm hardly enduring the look on her face and the tone of her voice. The next moment I stand up, making an attempt to leave before I let my furious tongue take over me, probably making me say things I'm not able to take back. I feel Christina's grip on my wrist as she tries to hold me back but I wrest myself free.

Lauren is imagining things. It's true that Eric can be cruel and ruthless — that was my first impression of him during my initiation, and certainly everyone else's — but would he really go that far? He would never kill a member of his own faction, would he?

I quickly walk up the stairs when there suddenly is one particular scene popping up in my mind: the chasm. I remember how Eric pushed Christina over the railing, leaving her hanging over the deep hole that's been nearly swallowing her. For the first time after four years I begin to wonder, what if she would have fallen?

I start to walk faster, trying my best to get rid of this horrifying memory before I reach his apartment.

When I finally get to the floor Eric's apartment is on, my eyes spot him standing in front of his door as he opens it. The next second he turns his head to me, watching me as I approach him carefully. With each step I'm slowing down my pace, even though I'm not even close to him yet. My mind is confronting me with another picture, another memory of him and his brutality.

"Tris?" His dark voice instantly rips me out of my thoughts and I take a deep breath. "Are you alright?"

"No," I shake my head. "we need to talk."

Quickly I walk past him into his apartment, focused on what I was going to say until I stop in front of the couch, turning around to see the look on his face. It leaves me wondering for a moment why exactly these grey eyes were never cold enough to alarm me, scare me away. I sit down, leaning back as I take another deep breath. He takes a seat next to me and I let the space between us slightly grow, earning a confused stare of his eyes for a second.

"What is it?" he asks.

"You know exactly what it is — Four's gone since the attacks of the Factionless and nobody seems to know anything." My voice starts shaking. The more I repeat the words in my head, the more it scares me. What if he is never coming back? What if our last words were meant to be a goodbye for good?

For a moment Eric remains silent, nothing escaping through his lips but a little sigh of annoyance. Then he leans back, folding his arms over his chest as he says, "Well, it was a tough fight, which demanded a bunch of sacrifices."

" _Sacrifices_?" I repeat his words, half shocked, half angry. "He's not dead, Eric."

"Don't get your hopes up too high. There are a few people who haven't showed up for three days now and I doubt that they've made it. We were able to identify some dead bodies but most of them, well ..." he pauses. "It might be easier to just accept it."

I nod quietly, not saying anything for the moment. I feel the need to cry, simply letting it all out but for some reasons there is nothing coming. I can feel the pain, suffering as if someone had brutally ripped out my heart, stealing a part of my soul while I can't do anything but simply watch that horrible scenario — and yet not a single tear is falling over the loss I'm forced to accept. Did he really mean less to me than I thought he would do?

I take a deep breath, my eyes wandering through the room to see Eric, who seems to be as detached as usual, not even trying to feel any kind of sympathy for me or, which is basically no surprise, for Tobias.

Just like him, I lean back slowly as I make sure to keep the distance between us until my loneliness leaves me no other choice than giving in to it. I move closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder while I wrap my arm around his strong muscles, my body pressing against him.

After a few seconds of silence, I quietly speak up again, nearly whispering. "Lauren said it was you. She claimed that you've killed him."

"Lauren has no idea." Eric huffs. "I've always had one good reason that's been enough to not even lay a hand on him."

"What reason?" I say slightly surprised, leaning forward to turn around and see his face.

"You."

I freeze, simply staring at him for moment. I'm not able to speak, not even able to think straight after what he's been saying, even though I shouldn't be as surprised as I actually am.

"Why me?"

"I didn't want you to hate me."

"And yet you threatened me and my friends during initiation. Very clever." I say as the corners of my lips move slightly upwards and so do his.

"I was merely toughening you up. You should be thankful for that."

Laughing had never felt so good like it does now. Of all of the people Eric is the one to save me from these horrible thoughts that's been floating around in my mind just a few minutes ago. To my own surprise he is able to create a whole new atmosphere in a situation like this and I figured that this is exactly what I need right now.

Before I could say anything, he leans forward, gently pressing his lips onto mine. Without hesitation I give in to that kiss I've been secretly craving whenever he was not around, not even close enough for me to touch him, inhale his scent and simply lock my eyes onto his body.

Eric is exactly that one person I need right now. I need him so badly.

* * *

 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think. It'll keep me going! c: _


	16. 15TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _enjoy the next chapter. it gave me feels. :') thank you so so much for the last reviews! i really appreciate your support guys! thanks!_

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 15TH CHAPTER

. . . .

"You know, Tris," Christina says as we walk down the dark hallway, side by side. "you're handling Four's sudden disappearance pretty well. At least it seems like it."

"There are a lot of other things on my mind right now." I say quietly.

I'm not even lying — at least not completely. In fact I currently do have a whole lot of thoughts about anything and everything floating around in my head, including Tobias. But still the pregnancy is taking up most of the time and space, which then automatically leads into thinking about Eric and how his behavior starts to confuse me. The more time I spend with him, the more I get my hopes up about him accepting the child. Even though I'm aware of the fact that the chances of getting disappointed are set quite high.

While looking up to me, Christina's lips form a cheeky smirk. "How's it going with your soon-to-be husband then?"

"Husband?" I ask, instantly stopping to move as my wide eyes remain on hers for the next couple of seconds.

"Sure," she shrugs, laughing. "marry him, take his last name, strengthen your bonding and all that stuff — for the child, you know."

I sigh out in frustration, playfully nudging her arm as we continue walking. "Shut up, Chris."

I know that it was meant to be a joke, an odd attempt on leading my thoughts into another direction, far away from whatever she thought would keep my mind painfully busy. It's easy to say that she definitely succeeded with her plan to make me think of something else, yet I can't say that its effect turned out to be positive. There must be some kind of truth in her words. Wouldn't it be slightly weird for the child if its parents are not married? Would he even want to marry me?

Just when I was about to ask her what she truly thinks about it, I notice Lauren approaching us with fast steps.

"I've been looking for you two!" she says excitedly. "Last night I made up the perfect plan."

"What plan?" Christina asks carefully as I watch her narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

"It's Eric's fault that Tobias is gone, so we will make that asshole pay for what he did."

With a sigh I raise my hand, letting it run through my hair as I take a look behind us, making sure nobody else is here to overhear this conversation. Then I fold my arms over my chest, trying my best to act as calm as possible. I have several reason to not even listen to any of her ideas.

"You don't even know if it really was him." Christina says, still staring at her with a frown. "If you can prove it somehow, then I'm willing to help you."

I take another deep breath, making sure to keep my current emotions invisible for them. The more Lauren talks about it, the more it scares me. She doesn't seem to have any kind of evidence but still the things she says are making sense in a strange way. If she's going to make her speculation public, she'll probably have a bunch of followers. Then Eric won't have any other choice than unwillingly accepting his fate, whatever it might be.

"Don't count on me." I say with resolve, attempting to take a step back and leave when Lauren grabs my wrist.

"Tobias wouldn't want us to just sit here and do nothing, Tris. Who knows who's next on Eric's list?" Lauren says quietly, her grip getting slightly tighter.

"You are insane, Lauren!" I raise my voice, aggressively pulling back my arm, what causes her to take half a step forward. "Eric doesn't have a list and he sure as hell didn't kill nobody. This is a fucking war and it demands sacrifices. It's nobody's fault!"

Lauren hesitates, staring at me with wide eyes before she speaks up again. "What a coincidence. That's exactly what Eric said to me — you're finally showing on which side you're playing, don't you? I just hope for you he pays enough for that sweet blow-hole of yours."

 _What did she just say?!_ My head instantly turns back to look at Lauren, my wide eyes filled with shock and frustration. With high speed I feel my blood rushing through my veins, the anger causing my knees to slightly shake. I clench my fists and my muscles tense. Only one swift movement and my fist flies up into the air, ready to powerfully punch that stupid grin off her face when Christina jumps right in front of me, her hands pressing against my shoulders.

"Tris, don't be stupid!" she yells at me. "A fight is anything but wise in your condition!"

Lauren begins to laugh. "You better listen, unless you want to be taken back into the infirmary again."

Before one of them could say another word, I turn around, leaving both of the girls behind me. My vision gets blurred and I feel a tear running down my cheek — not because of sadness, or even weakness but to let out that raging chaos inside of me. Lauren's words don't bother me at all. But this whole situation, her speculation about Eric being a murderer and the pregnancy cause my inner system to break.

My feet begin to move faster and faster, running down the hallways until I reach one of the gates, which lead outside. Just when I was about to quickly pass it, a guard jumps right in front of me, blocking my way.

"Please leave your name and reason for leaving first. It's important for the report." he says, his voice oddly even.

"I just need some fresh air. It won't take long." I say.

"I can't let you through if you don't give me your name and reasons. Sorry."

I'm not saying anything for the first couple of seconds. My eyes wander down to the guard's hands, which are holding a small device. I'd guess that it takes notes about the member's names and purposes for leaving the compound. I recognize a symbol, the eye of Erudite on the backside of it.

When I hear footsteps coming from behind me, I turn around to see Eric approaching me and the guard.

"Give me that." he says as he abrasively rips the device out of the man's hand, using it as if he had done it a million times already. Then he looks up to me, permitting me to pass the gate with a short nod of his head. Without hesitation I start walking outside.

. . . .

For the second time I raise my hand to knock against Eric's door but I'm diffident about it. There are so many things I want to talk about with him, a whole lot of questions he could — _should!_ — answer me. I tried my best to force myself into thinking that he doesn't owe me anything but in fact he does.

I finally pluck up some courage and my knuckles hit the hard material twice. I take a deep breathe, thoroughly thinking about every single word I'm going to say. Then he opens the door, his face as expressionless as usual.

"Come in." he says as he takes a step aside and I enter his apartment.

"We need to talk about the child. Again." I begin carefully. "Like I said before, it needs a father — you _are_ the father and you can't run from it." I pause, waiting for him to say something but he remains silent. "Look, I know that you love me and I love you, too. But if you can't accept the child, then I'm no longer staying with you."

"You don't need to worry." he says as he slowly walks towards me, reducing the space between us. "I just needed a whole lot of time to think about it but I promise you, I'm not gonna run from my responsibilities. I'm gonna be there. For you and for the child."

The corners of my lips instantly move upwards as soon as I realize what he just said. Since I know that I'm pregnant, all I wanted was for him to say these few words, to finally accept our future. I quickly move closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck as I press my lips onto his.

Right from the beginning, all I wanted was this very moment.

* * *

— _leave a nice review & tell me what you think. it'll keep me going! c:_


	17. 16TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _thanks a lot for the last reviews! i appreciate them and love you guys for your support! enjoy!_

 ** _THIS CHAPTER IS RATED M DUE TO SEXUAL CONTENT! DON'T FEEL FORCED TO READ IT OR BE AFRAID YOU'LL MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT FOR THE STORY'S PROGRESS. IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN SMUT OR YOU ARE STILL UNDER AGE THEN FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS CHAPTER SINCE ITS HAPPENINGS ARE NOT VERY RELEVANT FOR THE UPCOMING UPDATES._**

* * *

 **BONDINGS** | 16TH CHAPTER

. . . .

That sudden change of his mind left me speechless the other night. I was hopeful and it felt like things would finally turn into something I have wanted ever since I told him about the pregnancy. Eric is finally there and ready to take our relationship onto a more serious level and yet — things don't seem to turn out the way I expected them to do.

It's been four weeks since I am able to officially call Eric my boyfriend — _officially_ , more like just for the two of us. I didn't let a single word about our relationship escape through my teeth and Eric had always been preferring to keep his private life behind thick walls. Which results in not even Christina having a clue about it.

Right now I am three months pregnant and my emotions have been on quite a wild roller coaster ride lately. There are days when I just want to stay in bed, the next one it feels like my lungs can't even get filled up enough with the warm summer air. Yesterday I went back into my apartment to pick up a few things and the tears instantly rolled down my cheeks because I saw Tobias's clothes when I opened the wardrobe. Things have definitely changed since he is gone and, to speak the truth, there is a part of my ripped heart that went with him. Falling for another man or not, he will always be my very first love.

After having dinner with Christina, I stroll through the hallways on my way home — meaning Eric's apartment, in which I've stayed for quite a while now. With quiet steps I walk around the corner, being nearly at the stairs that lead up to the apartments when I see Eric, standing with his back turned on me. Just when I was about to get closer, I notice a woman standing right in front of him, yet I'm not able to recognize her face.

I watch him as he slightly leans forward and I instantly freeze on the spot because their bodies seem remarkably close to each other.

"What the fuck are you doing?" The harsh tone of my voice causes Eric to turn to me within milliseconds as I approach him. My eyes instantly glare at the woman, letting not only shock, but also confusion flooding my body when I recognize Lauren taking a step to the side.

"Oh," Lauren yells furiously, her wet irises still fixed on him. "Eric was just about to tell me how he's going to torture me if I don't keep my mouth shut."

Before I'm able to make a sound, I feel Eric's aggressive grip around my wrist, pulling me along with him until he leaves me no other choice than to simply follow him down the hallway. After just a few steps I wrestle myself free, his fingers leaving white marks on my skin.

"Eric, what the fuck — you're hurting me!" I say loudly, stopping right behind him as he turns around to see me. "What was that all about?"

"It was nothing." he says briefly, his voice still filled with anger. "Let's go home. I'm done for today."

At this point I don't even dare to speak against him. The look on his face is cold and fierce, his fists clenching as he walks. At first I wanted to step over that great respect I feel towards him and speak up, reminding him that I'm not some kind of initiate or newbie he can blow off his steam with. But then I realize that it might be better for him — for the both of us — to calm down first.

I'm still following him wordless when we enter the apartment. Eric instantly disappears into the kitchen while I take a seat on the couch, taking off my jacket. Then he returns to the living room with a bottle of beer, sitting down right next to me before he takes a sip.

A few seconds later, I finally dare to speak up. "If you want me to come with you again, you can just ask me."

"You're not going to get all worked up over that now, are you?" Eric says, blowing out a breath in annoyance.

"I have a good reason to do so." I angrily snap back at him.

For the next moment he doesn't say anything, turning his head into the other direction as he is obviously avoiding eye-contact. The more time I spend with him, the more I get the feeling that he still didn't get used to that whole pregnancy thing. And I can't even blame him for that. It is almost like I can sense his need to be somewhere else sometimes, anywhere but near me. But why did he lie to me then? Why didn't he tell me that he still needs the time and space to think about it?

Before my mind drifts completely off into my thoughts, I feel the touch of his hand onto mine, soft and gentle. My eyes instantly dart their way up to his suddenly tender irises, which always manage to make me forgive him every single word he said.

Again he's showing me both of his faces, the cruel leader of a war-ridden faction, and the lovely and caring man, who accidentally caught feelings for someone like me. And as confusing as this might be sometimes, I could never not fall for the latter.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." he says quietly while his thumb begins to softly draw circles on the back of my hand. Without hesitation I lean towards him, pressing my lips onto his as I willingly submit to the game of his tongue. Sometimes he is able to drive me wild with just a few words and I instantly feel the rushing heat flooding my body.

I back away slowly, my fingers intertwining with his when I take his hand. In a heartbeat he took me to cloud nine once again, and I'm able to forget about everyone and everything. No sadness, no fear, no unnecessary feelings about what if's and what if not's — at this very moment it is just the two of us.

He starts to move, his body pressing against mine while he's coming closer for another kiss, leaving me no other option than leaning back until I lie down, having Eric right above me. Intentionally I open my mouth, allowing entrance for his needy tongue to satisfy me in a way only he could do it. His eager hands search their way under my shirt, our lips parting for just a few seconds as he impatiently helps me to get rid of it.

Quickly I free myself from the rest of the clearly unneeded articles of clothing, my slacks and panties carelessly thrown onto the ground when he leans back, unbuttoning his pants to grant his erected cock some space. Then he leans down to me again, his lips leaving a trail of kisses down my neck when I spread my legs a little wider, quite moans of pleasure escaping through my teeth when I feel his hardened member pressing against my entrance.

I bite my underlip when I feel the shaft slowly sinking into me, trying hard to stifle the need to cry out until I'm unable to hold it back any longer. I close my eyes, the desire to get filled with his full length grows with every second as he goes deeper and deeper.

"No one could ever satisfy you like I do." Eric breathes against my skin after he finally started to move, the rough thrusts making my breathing unsteady and heavy. With his free hand he turns my chin into his direction, forcing me to look at him when I open my eyes, his grey irises powerful and demanding as they stare down to me. "Say it, Tris."

"No one in this damned world could ever fuck me like you do, Eric." I moan loudly.

Pinning down both of my hands above my head, he leans down to me to connect our lips once more, rewarding me with a hot and passionate kiss. The thrusts get harder as he begins to pick up the pace and I scream out his name in pleasure, not wanting him to ever stop again. The feeling of his big dick inside of me is driving me insane and I'm trying hard to not lose it within the next couple of seconds.

The last move was the most powerful one, hitting my walls roughly when I feel him coming inside of me, creating another loud scream of my voice. With another kiss he's stealing the last of my breath, causing me to gasp lightly once he pulls away. With a smile I look up to him, tiny beads of sweat drawing his forehead as he tries to catch some air.

"We should do that more often, don't you think?" I chuckle, sitting up when my eyes follow his movements as he stands up to put his clothes back on. "You're not leaving, are you?"

"I just need to get something from the office. It won't take long." Eric says. His fingers stroke my cheek gently. Before he attempts to turn away from me, I grab his wrist to stop him from walking, pouting. Then I stand up, wrapping my arms around his neck while I press my nude body against him. Feeling his hands running down my back to my butt, I go onto my tiptoes to gift him with another passionate but gentle kiss.

"I thought" I begin as I pull away slowly. "maybe we could go for round two."

The corners of his lips instantly move upwards, letting his white teeth show. "Just let me get the stuff and I'll be back in a sec. Not more than fifteen minutes, I promise."

"Alright then." Moving slowly, I pull back my arms and pick up my clothes off the ground, walking towards the bedroom. "Fifteen minutes. I'll be waiting."

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 _— leave a nice review & tell me what you think. it'll keep me going! c:_


	18. 17TH CHAPTER

**a/n:** _This is short. And this is awful and I apologize for that! But I am back and needed something short to get back into writing and all that stuff. The next chapter will be better, I promise! I didn't forget about you, guys! I've tried writing this chapter numerous times for the last two months. Can't believe this story is almost two years old, oh my god! I hope some of you are still reading and keeping up! Thank you so much for your support!_

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 **BONDINGS** | 17TH CHAPTER

. . . .

Three months with the little one in my belly. And one month without Tobias.

I've been thinking about him every day since the day he disappeared. There is an unbearable emptiness filling my chest, a hole in my heart. Some days I am able to ignore it, simply blacking it out until the moment I'm all alone again. And Eric, he tries his best to keep me afloat when the big waves hit. But even the strongest hearts seem to struggle every once in a while.

It must be around three in the morning when I turn around in bed. My hands find nothing but the soft bed sheets as they wander over the side Eric is usually sleeping on. I get up slowly, putting on the shirt I've worn the day before and step outside the bedroom. Then I spot Eric in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his arms folded over his chest.

"Hey, babe." I say quietly as I move towards him. I press my body against his, my head resting on his chest as I wrap my arms around him. For a moment I close my eyes, silently enjoying his warm embrace.

Moving my head up, I go on my tiptoes to kiss him. I pull back slowly but he follows, asking for another kiss. And another, and another. Gently Eric pulls me back closer to his chest, and I wrap my arms around his neck to hold onto him.

Within seconds he's got me right where he wants me; back in the bedroom, me on my four legs, begging for more. The nights began to look like that weeks ago. He would always be home in the very early morning hours. And I would always wait through the night to grant him that tiny bit of relief.

The next morning I wake up alone. I take a shower, throw on some clothes and get ready to meet up with Christina in the dining hall.

"There you are, Tris!" she says. "What took you so long?"

Excitedly she pulls me through the hallways, not giving me one single moment to breathe in. She doesn't answer any of my questions, leaving me no other option than to simply follow her quick steps until we reach the infirmary. Rapidly she pushes me through the door and in front of one of the beds. I stare at it speechlessly. It is hard to believe my eyes right now.

"Tobias?" I whisper his name. Slowly I lean closer to the bed until I kneel down in front of it. My shaking hands carefully touch onto his skin but his eyes remain closed.

"He is alive." I hear Will's voice from behind me. "But he needs to rest. He'll be okay in a couple of days."

This whole situation feels anything but real. I am scared, feeling lost and helpless, and confused, waiting for the moment I wake up to face the brutal reality again. Then I feel Christina's slim fingers touching on my shoulder.

"They found him near the main gate yesterday. He looked awful and dehydrated." she says.

It takes me a moment to grasp her words, putting them together to realize the sense of the things she said. Then I turn around to see her. "Yesterday? How long is he already here?"

"I'm not sure." Will says, thinking. "They got him here before midnight."

"And you didn't send someone to let me know about it?"

"Well, I wanted to send someone but Eric was here. And he said that he would take care of it."

"Didn't he tell you?" Christina asks.

"No, he didn't. If he did, I would have come immediately." I say.

The next couple of hours I've spend at Tobias's bed. I'm holding onto his hand tightly, resting my head on his chest to listen to the beating of his heart. Despite the bruises and cuts on his face, he's looking quite peaceful and calm. Carefully I run my fingers down his cheek.

I hear someone open the door and I turn around, finding Eric standing in the door frame. I stand up slowly, walking towards him and pressing my hand against his chest, pushing him outside the room rather roughly. Then we stand face to face.

"You knew he was here and you didn't tell me?" I yell, struggling to keep my voice low.

"I thought it might be better for you to get some sleep first."

" _Get some sleep_ , are you kidding me? That was certainly not your idea when you came home."

For the next moment he doesn't say anything. With crossed arms over his chest, his eyes wander down to the ground. I can see that he is anything but proud of what he has done. He is well aware of the fact that he fucked this up but I know him well enough to say that he feels anything but regret. In fact I believe that this is some kind of a plan he didn't spend much thinking on. He didn't want me to know about Tobias's return. Especially, he didn't want me to know that he already knew about it when he came home last night.

Without hesitation I turn my back on him, leaving him right where he is standing to get back to Tobias.

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